i dropped out of college for comp sci at 20, to work in help desk/support and gain practical experience while making some money. felt very pidgeonholed/stuck at 25. at 26, left it all to go be a horribly paid seasonal picker (new career unlocked!)/ farmhand on smaller, community-ish farms in the region, occasionally picking up odd jobs or the random computer task. moved 5 times in 4 years to chase work. having the computer/troubleshooting skills in the backpocket was like an ace in the hole sometimes to get in the door, though i was always broke and living in totally bullshit circumstances (illegal housing, sub minimum wages, undocumented/no insurance). i learned a lot of different skills though, like rough carpentry, construction, plant care, animal husbandry, small engine maintenance, tractor shit, working all day outdoors in the oppressive heat without dying lmao, etc.

once i could distinguish my head from my ass, being a quasi-serf for wealthy landlords got real old after a few years, so i took out max student loans and "transferred" to the nearby land grant / state school to study agriculture at 30. worked my summers on really wild farms in faraway places that i got connected to through my university affiliation. got my BS (summa cum laude lmao, certified and bonafide nerd) at 33. going to school at 30 was so much more fun and enriching than it was when i was 20, when it felt wasteful and disconnected.

after graduating i did tiny non-profit stuff in a very rural community for a few years, got sucked back into the academy as professional staff to do outreach/adult education type stuff. picked up my MS at 38 (free tuition) while working full time (sucked). got burnt out on the academy's elitist careerist b.s. after about 10 years, and got hired away to work for a much-less-chuddy state with a strong union doing give-a-fuck type stuff where i am currently relocating and plan to start my Third Act, where i hopefully pull everything together to build a quiet, cozy life i can retire into.

looking back, i've effectively "blown up" a semi-comfortable but unsatisfactory/stagnating life situation multiple times, thrusting myself into a novel situation where i am nearly "starting over" in a place where i know few people, doing work that is very unfamiliar though appealing with people that share a lot of my cherished values. i also have tried to take advantage of professional development resources and opportunities through employers whenever i can. i think of not doing so as "leaving money on the table" which is something i aspire to never do with an employer. that's what i would tell myself when i would get off work and have a full night of homework to develop a presentation the next day at class, happening right after work the next day. or spending several weekends in a row reading and writing. but anyway, the doors these things can open as far as opportunities or just new interests that evolve from "education" as personal enrichment.

i'm the kind of person that will nest and strategize to make any situation i am in more comfortable over time, so much so that imagining leaving it becomes fraught with anxiety. but each time i have blown it up and made a big change, the reconstruction of it is even more comfortable and cozy. i think because each time, i am more sure of myself and can anticipate my wants and needs.