True patriots in the 1950s knew what the reds were up to: orgies! Lots of them! Harvey M. Matusow of Dayton, Ohio, testified before the House Un-American Activities Committee on February 7, 1952, that communists “conducted sex orgies to win adult recruits and distorted age-old nursery rhymes to teach children the party line.” It seems like an effective tactic: Someone dangles an orgy in front of you while trying to recruit you? You’re taking that meeting, am I right?

A few months later, a Czech diplomat was accused of running “all-male sex parties” with the intention of “extracting information from effeminate American guests.” These soirees took place at the diplomat’s apartment on 20th Street, shocked senators on the Internal Security Subcommittee heard. Senator Pat McCarran demanded that such undesirables be deported and that the US be rid of “these treacherous aliens.”

Hell yeah man!