Hello, folks. Hoping I can get some opinions on my situation.
My 12-yo watches a lot of YouTube. It is mostly streaming personalities who have a lot to say on a variety of topics. I have either watched these videos with them, overheard them from another room, or looked some up from their history and viewed them myself.
I have problems with them and want to do something about it.
I care little about the topics being discussed; my child is allowed to be interested in their own things, even those separate from ours (their parents), and it's also reasonable for them to disagree with us. All of that is fine.
My problem is with how these streamers present their content:
- They do not provide critical scrutinization of the issues.
- They do not apply logical rationalization or reason to the stances they take.
- They do not cite sources of repute to justify their positions.
- They are needlessly hyperbolic.
- They examine no dissenting opinions.
- They present themselves as authorities on every topic with zero credentials to support that assertion.
- They succumb to, support, and repeat what is obviously propaganda.
To say nothing of the fact that the value the entertainment potential and viewership counts more than the content of their arguments.
I was raised allowed to moderate my own content because I was trusted to be intelligent and wise enough to critically select what I watched or read and learn from the mistakes I made if I consumed something negatively influential. I have tried to extend this same trust to my 12-yo, but their constant repetition of what they hear and their inability to form a cogent argument makes me feel like their YouTube viewing habits are teaching them to accept concepts at face-value simply because they are popular.
I don't feel it would be productive to start out-right blocking content and pundits because this would feel more hegemonic than educational. I'd rather increase the likelihood that they'd critique and dismiss the content than decrease the likelihood that they'd view it.
I would love to hear what others have to say about this situation.
I find starting a conversation with the kid when the opportunity presents itself organically and listen to what they think about the content / subject matter and bringing different perspectives to the subject can teach them critically thinking about what they're hearing.
The same goes for young adult books with questionable relationship examples. Making it a conversation, hearing what they think about certain aspects and bringing different perspectives to the subject works better than taking a stance against something they love.
We all love flawed stuff, we love them while (hopefully) separating wrongs from rights in our minds because we have some degree of critical thinking. We just need to teach/guide the kids the same way. It's ok to like something while still being able to point out the wrongs of that thing.
This is really great advice. I have tried this. They're just at that point where they shrug or say "I don't know" at everything, never engaging in any conversation.
Or maybe something like "Language is such a funny thing. Did you notice they use X word to describe group A, but then use Y word while talking about group B. The media does that all the time, too. If you notice, you'll find some very interesting extra stories they're conveying" .
Bit of a gameplay, making the kids notice neutral words, judgement words.This may come back to bite the adult in the back when it turns on you, but hey, we want kids to be able to point out when we miss the spot, too.
Sorry for adding comment after comment, I've been in a position to talk to teenagers and experienced when they tune you out, when they're interested in what you have to say.
I find it works best if you start with the positive. As adults, we should challenge ourselves to find the positive at times, since we tend to slide into correction mode without realizing.
Sometimes, we'll start with positive and then talk about the part that's problematic and why. Sometimes, we should just mention the positives, good examples, well thought out arguments, a good word choice etc. In fact, noticing and mentioning good examples will be the real game changers.
And be genuine, I cannot state the importance of this at all. Consider what your friend would think of the tone you're about to use. If your friends would think you're trying to preach, your kid will feel the same.
I agree with all of this. My issue is that the child in question literally will not listen to anything. They completely ignore heart-to-heart conversations, won't take any advice, and don't even acknowledge anyone is speaking. I've tried to use reason and logic but they just don't care. I've tried to point out logical fallacy and they don't get it. I've tried to show arguments being made with more cohesion and sound justification but they don't care.
They just want to watch this garbage for entertainment. And that's fine; I did the same thing. It's just that this crap in particular is going to make them stupid and unable of critical thinking.
Another option, how about just reacting to it at the moment when you hear something really jarring.
"Gosh, what a harsh thing to say/ harsh way to put it."
"They're dismissing this whole side of the story, that's not a fair judgement at all"
"Behaving like the way they're describing is the easiest way to lose friends. Friendships built upon trust and respecting the lines/boundaries of a person. Who wants a friend who does (breach of boundary example)"
"Can you believe this person is making such a big statement without a single proof? "
I've sat and watched it with them and said things like "That makes absolutely no sense," "All of that was incorrect," "None of that is supported by any evidence," and such. They just figure I'm a stupid adult and ignore everything I'm doing.
That's why I mentioned the "organically coming up in conversation" part. Keeping the didactic tone out of the conversation, finding a genuine interest in the topic ourselves usually important.
"I like how [internet personality] put it but I can't help but wish they also considered this aspect."
"I used to think like that at one point, but then I've come to know how it really worked in real life and that changed my view"
"Interesting point [the internet personality] made, though just last week I've heard of this news/story/experience of (a friend, relative, random stranger), that made me think that is only one side of the coin" etc...
Bingo.
The key is to start this conversation from the beginning with anything/everything.
I found blocking things is full on, time consuming and never really works effectively enough. There's always a way to see things that you want to see and if its forbidden, the curiosity is stronger.
Preference is approaching conversation with the kid(s). Take some time to watch things with them. The kid needs to learn critical thinking using logic and reasoning. Teaching these skills, and to not take everything at face value is probably where I would direct my energies. Wish I had better advice, but harbouring good debate without getting too emotional/personal is a skill worth learning.
Perhaps I'm being too impatient. Just this morning I was watching with them a video where the pundit was complaining about people who do gender reveal parties for their babies. I turned around and asked "Does this person have any kids of their own?" and they said "No, why?" Didn't see the connection. Didn't pick up the absence of authority on the topic. Just wanted to watch because it's fun to watch someone make fun of someone else.
I should clarify that I am not a parent nor a child psychologist nor anything else to that effect, I am only speaking from my own experience of being parented—
I remember being around that age and I had a similar problem of just watching absolute political slop on YouTube. My access to content was never restricted nor closely monitored, but when my mom caught me watching some reactionary bozo on occasion, she would just call it what it was — and then all of a sudden I found myself a lot less interested in that type of content. When she or others would point out the problems with what I was watching or the messages I got from the content, that showed me the "smoke and mirrors" of it. And insofar as I engaged in that content out of a desire to appear precocious... Well, realizing that I was manifesting the exact phenomenon that C.S. Lewis described in that famous quote of his about the "fear of childishness", and that my attempt to convince myself that I was more grown-up than I really was was collapsing in front of me, I just felt ashamed — but very specifically not humiliated.
So I think the best thing you can do is to understand what role these streamers really play for the child. Because it's probably not all wanting to be popular, it's probably not all wanting to appear precocious, and it's probably not all wanting to build an identity; just as it's probably not all noticing the ways in which they're genuinely getting screwed over, and acting on genuine frustrations, genuinely trying to understand why this is and what to do about it even with the limitations of their own lived experience; nor is it probably all learning about the world's issues and wanting to do their best to be a good person even about things that don't very obviously affect them personally.
Rather the child's enjoyment is in all likelihood probably some sort of blend of these or perhaps other things. If you can determine the composition of the blend, you will know where to strike to most effectively reveal the "smoke and mirrors", and make the child feel that sort of productive shame that causes actual self-reflection. You should aim to be like the elderly Hungarian-born immigrant saying "And that makes a difference, doesn't it?", if you're familiar with that old propaganda film: shame is a negative emotion that makes one want to avoid the cause of the feeling, and it should be your aim to make the child identify the cause of the shame to be the shameful thing rather than the one shaming.
I trust that you're on good terms with your child and only have good intentions, so I think that you will succeed. And of course I should reiterate that my own perspective is limited, and what worked for myself might not work for everyone.
