So, backstory: I started at a new position yesterday (finally able to leave Texas and move somewhere less hostile to my existence). I don’t disclose my gender during the hiring process because I don’t want to face discriminatory hiring practices, so no one knew I was transfem until my first day. My manager met with me before orientation and had a chat with me. When I mentioned I wasn’t sure what my preferred name should be, she sorta tilted her head, closed the door to her office, and we had a really affirming chat about my gender and name and everything. She helped me settle on a new name (something I’ve been indecisive about for a really long time) and reassured me that if I wanted to change it later I could. She showed me how to change my name, gender, and pronouns in the system myself. Then she went to my new team before I saw them and told them all what my name and preferred pronouns are so that I didn’t need to have that conversation 6+ times on my first day. Most importantly, she asked me what I wanted to do on all of these things and did exactly what I was most comfortable with.
Such an amazing, inclusive, and welcoming experience. Never had any experience like it honestly! She handled it really well. I sent her a thank you email this morning letting her know how much it meant to me and how well she handled the topic of my gender, presentation, and preferred name. After a lifetime of discrimination and oppression and hatred, I feel like I’m starting to really become myself. Seeing my name on all the emails in my inbox and having my coworkers address me by that name gave me the strongest hit of euphoria I’ve had since the first time I went shopping for women’s clothing.
My new name is Emma by the way :>
Congratulations! But now you have a very funny story about being assigned the name Emma by corporate
That's so nice to hear Emma!!
My dead name haunts me at work, it's been total bs, cause (for now) it's still my legal name and the assessments I make are legal documents they "have to" use my legal name. Always fun to explain to coworkers that, yes, dead name is me, no don't use it
Same! My legal name is on some pieces of internal material which I totally understand. They’re usually like tax documents or whatever. One really annoying one is that my work email uses my dead name. My preferred name just redirects to my dead name in Outlook. I’m looking into getting my legal name changed ASAP so that I can change my legal name in the system.
Luckily there are a lot less systemic barriers against trans people in the NE US (where I am now) than in there are Texas. I still don’t understand the process of getting my name changed (it feels way too complex to me, possibly intentionally so), but it seems like it’ll be easier from what I’ve read so far. There are a lot of legal resources online to help trans people navigate the obtuse legal system. Hoping you can get your legal name changed soon, too!
Oh yeah, all the docs are in and all my stuff is signed and paid for. I just have to wait for them to actually do it lol
Thanks for sharing Emma! I get pretty doomey thinking about how anything like this would never happen where I live, and it probably won't for a while. It's still nice to hear some hope, that this kind of thing isn't unrealistic.
I also feel pretty hopeless about trans rights in my country and the world over, but sometimes I get to see how people all over are making an effort to make us feel welcome, included, affirmed, and loved.
