I mean - consider for a second that we currently have the most comprehensive martial arts practice in all of history, with the largest humans, best sports science, and all that.

Any top UFC fighter from the past decade could probably beat the fuck out of anyone ever before the year 1980. Isn't that wild? Dudes who have (probably) watched Rick and Morty could beat the piss out of Alexander The Great or whoever the fuck. And it wouldn't even be close.

Biting and eye gouging is banned of course, but even if it wasn't, Brock Lesnar isn't letting you even get close to that. I mean, speaking of Brock, even big pro wrestlers - medieval blokes would shit their pants on sight if they saw Scott Steiner going freakmode off the roids. Perc Angle. Big Show - like what - he's a literal giant.

But what about Mark Zuckerberg? He's a big guy. He does his MMA. I think give him a month to train and send him back in time. Hate to hand it to him, but he would crush.

  • BashfulBob [none/use name]
    ·
    22 hours ago

    Dudes who have (probably) watched Rick and Morty could beat the piss out of Alexander The Great or whoever the fuck.

    I was under the impression Alexander's expertise was in logistics, not hand to hand unarmed combat.

    I should also say that all these UFC fighters would last about a week before they started wasting away from cholera, diptheria, and general malnutrition.

    A guy who can guzzle creatine, stuff his face with ground beef, and take the bus to and from the gym is going to be on a completely different foot trying to hoof it halfway across the Savannah looking for someone to arm wrestle.

    • MaoTheLawn [any, any]
      hexagon
      ·
      22 hours ago

      Yeah, exactly. They'd beat the fuck out of Alexander. Case arrested.

      And as for UFC blokes - certainly, they aren't meant for survival. They're meant for beating guys up in the ring. And that's what they'd do against anyone pre 1980. I don't give a fuck if they die from eating a bad egg afterwards. They won their fight already.

      • BashfulBob [none/use name]
        ·
        22 hours ago

        And that's what they'd do against anyone pre 1980

        Assuming they were teleported into the ring, sure.

        don't give a fuck if they die from eating a bad egg afterwards.

        It's more whether they die beforehand that tilts the playing field.

        • MaoTheLawn [any, any]
          hexagon
          ·
          22 hours ago

          well how else am I sending Mark Zuckerberg to 10 BC

          obviously there's a time machine involved