With my first day with real energy in awhile being coupled with two temper meltdowns, (theres been a recent med change I should mention, but every one we have seems to just vacciltate between these two states). I feel like Im just... Im either a destructive ragebeast OR a useless sleepy flop who cant do literally anything.
I really dont want to live. I really dont want t fucking live. I'm so tired of this constant fucking struggle. I cant just have a good fucking day. I'll never accomplish anything and Ill keep hurting people and i just. Im so fucking exuasted (not literally because i still have energy, just tired of this gbullshit)
Ive been going through some medical shit recently that makes me wonder if I'm ever giving to be myself again. Just the feeling of "another log on the fire" type feeling. It's made me feel a bit checked out and I'm not liking it.
So I feel you. It's made my fuse short and that sucks for everyone. I don't have advice. Just know you're struggle is shared in some capacity. Good days are inevitable, that's what I try to remind myself.
Be well comrade.