Hey folks, long time poster/commenter. I haven't been a good leftist in a while. I had some pretty severe mental health problems I needed to focus on, and getting my career on track. I've forgotten a lot of theory, and fuck if it doesn't look bleak as hell out there. I can't see any way out except third world maoism, and that's a longshot. But past that life just felt more fun when I wasn't constantly thinking about politics. I think some of that was because my leftism was mostly online. I did what i could in person but had limited options. But to be honest what can I do other than mutual aid? Americans are too stupid to ever see past capitalism, there's no local governance I can affect, and anything else is just adventurism. Please pull me back, I know too much to even pretend to be liberal or conservative.
The ice cube melts from the outside in. Currently you're a single water molecule trapped in the center of the ice cube. You can't jiggle enough to melt the ice cube by yourself, all you can do is try to stay warm and slightly warm up your nearest neighbours.
As the contradictions sharpen in the periphery of the empire, the 'front line' will begin to retreat towards the core. Then the jiggling you've kept alive within yourself and maybe even spread to those around you might have a chance at forming the tiniest pocket of liquid. If enough other people are doing that, the pockets can eventually run together and start breaking the ice apart from the inside. If the water within and without can meet, work together and synchronize their movements, then the ice cube can finally be melted away into nothing.
Less metaphorically, there aren't enough people in the west who are in desperate enough conditions to be looking for an answer. Enough people are comfortable enough materially to be comfortable ideologically with the system's lies, so that a rigorously Marxist party cannot be built with broad support. This isn't going to change until the empire decays further and is handed some defeats by its external enemies. If you can do nothing else, keep reading theory and try to convince a handful of people around you. If you really want to prepare properly, you also need to become as strong and fit as you can. I'm offering this advice knowing I'm in the same situation as you and having just as much difficulty deciding on a course of action, but in the absence of a clear path forward all you can do is 1. improve yourself mentally and physically and 2. try to make more people communist.