Here is what I mean by this. Out of all the times I've been to a doctor, been visited by a cop, called the cops, been to court, went to school, and so on, I've realized lately that I haven't had a single good experience with any of them.
Doctors either always tell me nothing is wrong when something is wrong or said something was wrong when something wasn't. Got traumatic brain injury? Oh it's just a bonk on the head. Got blue balls? Bring em in, doc needs money. The presence of doctors here is so inconsistent with recovery from things like illnesses that the place resembles the stereotypical Sparta-obsessed fascist nation where hospitals don't exist by design.
Police and courts will give you no luck at all stemming from having absolutely no consistency with how they deal with things whatsoever. I've seen child abuse cases where babies are left with behavioral issues that mirror those child rehoming documentaries and the abuser gets two months, while also seeing small cases of assault that lead to two years. I've had instances where I ask police about something they can do. "We'll look into it" they say. Nothing happens. The next thing that happens, they're blaming me for a dead tree from my yard with a branch that snapped off and fell on a neighbor's fence, and I go to get sentenced.
My teachers were like these examples too. Did I benefit even once from my teachers? No. Did I benefit from the social environment? No. Did they treat me like Mr. Burns treats Homer? All the time. They didn't see me as a person, they saw me as a goal. And they would never mind cheating their own rules to achieve it.
And the moment they don't think they have a job to do regarding you, the same jobs they half-ass anyways, they treat you less like an individual to remember and from time to time treat as an equal human and more like a bird you pushed out of a nest without intent to hear from them again. And I didn't realize this until recently, that I have no positive experiences with public servants. Makes me almost not want to work.
Anyone else?
you're mostly identifying quirks of capitalism. you need dialectical materialism. cops and judges are straight up agents of capital and are the arm of the state which exerts its monopoly on violence. they are more or less all bad people by definition and your enemies. doctors under capitalism act as gatekeepers of live saving medical care and profit off people's need for it. also usually from privileged backgrounds so lacking empathy and likely your class enemy if they own their own practice. another unsavoury bunch. teachers generally are better people with at least some kind of noble goals but the school system under capitalism is more akin to prison and is inherently abusive. individual teachers can't exactly change the system much from the inside so a lot of them end up perpetuating the cycle of it.
i think that people make judgements and act upon those judgements based on a category or type that's familiar to them and i also think that's goes at least doubly so for anyone that has to serve the public for their livelihoods.
people see me as a type when i put no effort in and i didn't realize that until i got my neuro divergence assessment results and fully embraced the "fakeness" that my social butterfly mother taught me as a child.
i resisted it for decades because i also felt like the doctors were just chasing a paycheck and the proctors where just going through the motions and i regret the years i wasted the despite bad experiences with several of doctors & proctors.
i've since learned that no one has your best interests at heart except maybe family or friends. it's very cliche and it's very true and i hate that i have to forge and create my own world despite that knowledge underpinning it.
i hope you figure it out something that works for you; it sounds like you're in a bad place rn based on your posts and i think that this is the only way i can help.
