With my last partner I’ve learned quite a bit especially putting my needs and myself first, I am lonely but if I don’t vibe with someone then I shouldn’t just get with them because of what I’m feeling. I have to give myself space and time to find the right person I click with. That being said, I feel somewhat ashamed and sad that the person I’ve been on two dates with might not be compatible with me, they’re very nice, they’re funny, and in the first date I felt we clicked but the second, I just don’t know. I was trying to figure out if it was my self sabotaging behavior preventing me from being happy but I don’t think it is. I like them but I feel like they would be better off with someone more outspoken maybe? I wasn’t feeling too well on the second date either, I was also scared of catching Covid (I have something now so wish granted) and I was generally in a lot of pain, I should’ve said something but I didn’t and when the date was coming to a close I couldn’t do it anymore and said I wanted to go home. I was upset because they were sad and I could tell because they were more quiet near the end, and any reason I had for not wanting to continue hanging out felt like an excuse.

Maybe it’s just me, they know a lot and they’re smart but I feel they’re not my type and they deserve better. I’m just like wallpaper a dull boring person and they’re the opposite of that.