Lost Atlantis, for some reason a lotta people got a thing about this one. Despite lotsa historians agreeing that it wasn't a real place, it never existed, and Plato made it up as a fictional place to use in his allegories.
Still, what do those fuckers know, I watched some big hair guy make gestures on the History channel and he said Atlantis was sunk by aliens. So clearly there's no clear academic consensus. So once again, the burden rests upon my broad shoulders to find the real, incontestable truth.
Atlantis was real, it did flood, I know how it happened.
"How do you know Atlantis was real?" Ok, so the allegory that Plato used Atlantis in (critias) makes mention of Atlantis invading Athens. Think in your head a little, if Plato was willing to whole cloth invent one place, why didn't he invent another? Am I to assume Plato, inventor of the plate, couldn't make up another fake country name? No, as Athens is real, so Atlantis must also be.
Now onto how it was claimed by the ocean.
The Black Book of Carmarthen is the oldest book written in the Welsh language, it's kinda a mixed assortment of different topics, triads written about horses and holdings of ancient heroes, regional variations on Arthurian legend intermingled with stories about the war against the Norman invaders, and local tales. This book is important for our investigation because it also features an island sink between the waves and more importantly, it mentions how it happened. It explains that the land of Maes Gwyddno was swallowed by the waves when the woman whose job was to check the well took some time off and thus wasn't around to stop all the water leaving the well and flooding the land.
Here's what I believe happened to Atlantis, some fucker forgot they left the tap on, and then went on holidays.
"But, taps weren't invented back then." You splutter foolishly, believing you have poked a hole in my brilliant theory. Fool, the Atlantians were either time travelers, or centuries ahead of the rest of the world technologically.
Look again at the city Atlantis waged war with, Athens. Now I was a bit foggy on the location of Athens, so I googled it an lo and behold...
Now back in ancient Greece, the only way you could sail a boat was by having a cloud shaped like a woman's face blow on the sail, hence the Greek saying, "Thar she blows." No magic cloud woman has the sheer tidal volume to blow a person all the way from ancient Greece where Plato recorded his account of the invasion, all the way to Texas. Surely she'd grow out of breath before ever hitting the Americas.
I rest my case.
Friends, be careful next time you run a bath, or your entire country may need to run for its life. Good bye and good luck.
