I haven't felt anything besides low burning self contempt for years. Emotions like sadness and happiness elude me. I haven't sincerely shouted for joy or wept in years. I also have no desire to get close to other people and form relationships. This makes it nigh impossible for me to give a shit about even important things. While I don't feel much pain anymore, I also lack the spark that makes life worth living. I feel like a soulless automaton.
Does this sound like it's related to neurodivergence? I'm 100% depressed, but years of therapy and various different medications haven't done much, so I feel like there must be more to it.
Could be trauma, could be depression getting worse, could be burn-out from being ND, it could be a lot of not mutually exclusive things.
What would you like to change? Would knowing if you have a disorder and which it is help? For instance having ADD diagnosed helped me by putting a name to what I felt was my "chronic failure disorder" and access to medications for it. But some others might say "So I went through all this trouble only to know I have x. How does that help me in any way? The only difference to before is that I learned the medical term for what's causing me issues"
It's also possible that it's not a disorder at all but a normal reaction to living in hellworld. I felt very similarly until I met my wife and got on the "hell yeah I want a family and kids" track. That kind of outlooked fundamentally changed how I approached things and having such a big goal to work towards makes previously unimprotant things important.