I've mostly stayed the fuck out of this struggle session, but i think i unfortunately need to pitch in at this point. I do not think the general gist of the outrage directed at that statement runs along the lines of "a mod made an intentionally hurtful statement to misgender trans comrades, question the femininity of women and accuse POC comrades of being white on the inside". That would be a far-fetched, malicious and inaccurate conclusion. I believe it is a much more common perception, and also my perception, that your statement showed certain ideas you have internalized, and have not reflected upon properly. This is why people ITT accuse you of a nonpology - you go for the "i was misunderstood and actually meant something else" line instead of confronting your subconscious bias.
As trans people, we've all grown up in a deeply and disgustingly transphobic, exorsexist, cishetnormative and gender essentialist society, and like the cishet people around us, we have all internalized some of that. Upon cracking, we can begin to realize this and build a new framework for how we understand gender and sexuality, but that is not done within a day, it is a process. And with a lot of the fellow trans people on this site, i see that they are struggling with reactionary artifacts in their attitudes that they have not yet questioned and debunked for themselves. Hexbear is generally what i consider to be a safer space for trans comrades, i know i am welcomed, represented and protected here, but unfortunately our trans community isn't as radical about gender as many of us want to believe. It's not as bad as trans reddit, outspoken transmeds and enbiephobes are rare and quickly get the hammer, and we've had a lot of learning with the heavier use of CWs in the trans mega and the discussions around Julia Serrano and enbiephobia, but a lot of work still remains to be done.
A part of that work, and where my criticism of your statement comes into play, is the field of gender essentialism. I understand your critique of the tanks, the comm does show aspects of the site culture that i am personally not very comfortable with. I view this site mostly as a safer space and a place of community that helps comrades with personal growth, offers them assistance and acts as a bullwark for marginalized comrades who need a break from the liberalism in other safer spaces. A place where you can, for example, be both openly trans and openly Marxist-Leninist. Others view it as an unapologetic dirtbag hive. A place where you find community in a shared rage at the conditions we live under, were we are free from insincere demands for civility and decorum and can revel in tearing into reactionaries without restraint and mercy. Were we can enjoy the rare feeling of being, as was a popular quote on the old sub, "numerous and beligerent", an infamous and dreaded shitposter brigade. These are the two faces of hexbear.
When you claimed that this second face of hexbear gave off "white cishet man" vibes, you made a gender essentialist assumption: That being coarse, uncouth, aggressive and loud is a trait of hegemonial (white and cishet) masculinity. Women are described as "hysterical" and "b_tchy" and "hormonally imbalanced" when we exhibit such traits (i've been on the receiving end of all of that a lot over the last years). Queers are slandered as "shrill" and "drama queens" when they do. Transfeminine people in particular are attacked with the concept of "male socialization", a common Terf strategy to silence us when we speak up. POC, especially black people, are constantly policed for signs of aggressive behavior and demanded to be calm and collected to not upset the whiteys, threatened with disproportionate, sometimes lethal, responses when they show any signs of agitation.
The "cishet white man vibes" line is not a callout of privilege. It is securing the privilege of white cishet men that reserves uncivility for them and only them. I get that wasn't your intention. But that's besides the point here. You need to confront which effect your statement had, understand the hurt it caused and demonstrate the introspection that is needed to overcome this kind of sentiment.
If you wrote something someone thought was very privileged, and they said your post had "white cishet man vibes", would you think that they were possibly using clumsy language and did not intend the statement to be interpreted how it was written?
I think you sincerely believe it was a clumsy statement but I don't think you've given yourself the time to reflect* on how you came to use that phrasing on a website with a majority (I think?) of trans users.
*Obviously you can't "win" in this scenario where you want to give an apology quickly because you recognise it has caused harm.
It is not about being insufficiently specific. It is about feeling that a subset of posters are not wanted, and crashing out when you realize the damage blanket banning them would cause. I've enjoyed a lot of your posts and would welcome you in the posting trenches, but this certainly ain't it.
Impossible to know how many people were driven off by it, but you served a plate of turds, and upon getting it sent back to the kitchen, picked out a few pieces of corn, put it on a differently colored plate and served it again.
E: I don't mean to single you out in particular, if anyone is emblematic of the problem it would be @replaceable. You making this post is more than they did.
However, one of the most directly damaging sprays of gasoline onto this fire was from your hands, and I really don't think any form of apology cuts it as far as accountability goes.
It isn't. You are defending your actions and explaining how we merely misunderstood you.
Whatever your intent, your action was to call the reader a white cishet man. Your attempt at clearing up that confusion does not make it much better to be honest. Now you're just calling people who enjoy it "very privileged". It's indicative of the same mindset. You are making your own judgement about a group of people you disagree with and cataloguing them into some group that allows you to feel good about thinking ill of them. You know nothing about that group of people. This statement is hurtful and ridiculous too. Here's one clear example why
Nobody thought you meant to intentionally misgender people. That's not why folks are pissed at you for writing that. They're pissed at you for the subconscious bias it reveals, and that is also why this isn't an apology. You're going for "I was misunderstood actually" instead of listening to what people are critiquing you for.
it is an apology
edit: i really do want you to know that i am sorry for using that language. the interpretation of that statement was not how i intended.
I've mostly stayed the fuck out of this struggle session, but i think i unfortunately need to pitch in at this point. I do not think the general gist of the outrage directed at that statement runs along the lines of "a mod made an intentionally hurtful statement to misgender trans comrades, question the femininity of women and accuse POC comrades of being white on the inside". That would be a far-fetched, malicious and inaccurate conclusion. I believe it is a much more common perception, and also my perception, that your statement showed certain ideas you have internalized, and have not reflected upon properly. This is why people ITT accuse you of a nonpology - you go for the "i was misunderstood and actually meant something else" line instead of confronting your subconscious bias.
As trans people, we've all grown up in a deeply and disgustingly transphobic, exorsexist, cishetnormative and gender essentialist society, and like the cishet people around us, we have all internalized some of that. Upon cracking, we can begin to realize this and build a new framework for how we understand gender and sexuality, but that is not done within a day, it is a process. And with a lot of the fellow trans people on this site, i see that they are struggling with reactionary artifacts in their attitudes that they have not yet questioned and debunked for themselves. Hexbear is generally what i consider to be a safer space for trans comrades, i know i am welcomed, represented and protected here, but unfortunately our trans community isn't as radical about gender as many of us want to believe. It's not as bad as trans reddit, outspoken transmeds and enbiephobes are rare and quickly get the hammer, and we've had a lot of learning with the heavier use of CWs in the trans mega and the discussions around Julia Serrano and enbiephobia, but a lot of work still remains to be done.
A part of that work, and where my criticism of your statement comes into play, is the field of gender essentialism. I understand your critique of the tanks, the comm does show aspects of the site culture that i am personally not very comfortable with. I view this site mostly as a safer space and a place of community that helps comrades with personal growth, offers them assistance and acts as a bullwark for marginalized comrades who need a break from the liberalism in other safer spaces. A place where you can, for example, be both openly trans and openly Marxist-Leninist. Others view it as an unapologetic dirtbag hive. A place where you find community in a shared rage at the conditions we live under, were we are free from insincere demands for civility and decorum and can revel in tearing into reactionaries without restraint and mercy. Were we can enjoy the rare feeling of being, as was a popular quote on the old sub, "numerous and beligerent", an infamous and dreaded shitposter brigade. These are the two faces of hexbear.
When you claimed that this second face of hexbear gave off "white cishet man" vibes, you made a gender essentialist assumption: That being coarse, uncouth, aggressive and loud is a trait of hegemonial (white and cishet) masculinity. Women are described as "hysterical" and "b_tchy" and "hormonally imbalanced" when we exhibit such traits (i've been on the receiving end of all of that a lot over the last years). Queers are slandered as "shrill" and "drama queens" when they do. Transfeminine people in particular are attacked with the concept of "male socialization", a common Terf strategy to silence us when we speak up. POC, especially black people, are constantly policed for signs of aggressive behavior and demanded to be calm and collected to not upset the whiteys, threatened with disproportionate, sometimes lethal, responses when they show any signs of agitation.
The "cishet white man vibes" line is not a callout of privilege. It is securing the privilege of white cishet men that reserves uncivility for them and only them. I get that wasn't your intention. But that's besides the point here. You need to confront which effect your statement had, understand the hurt it caused and demonstrate the introspection that is needed to overcome this kind of sentiment.
"I didn't mean to say you're white cishet men, I meant to say you're privileged assholes!"
Yeah some apology
If you wrote something someone thought was very privileged, and they said your post had "white cishet man vibes", would you think that they were possibly using clumsy language and did not intend the statement to be interpreted how it was written?
I think you sincerely believe it was a clumsy statement but I don't think you've given yourself the time to reflect* on how you came to use that phrasing on a website with a majority (I think?) of trans users.
*Obviously you can't "win" in this scenario where you want to give an apology quickly because you recognise it has caused harm.
If you think the issue was "clumsy phrasing", you grokked nothing from nearly destroying the site and should not wield power over its users.
e: the sentiment behind it shows outright contempt for the userbase, even moreso after your explanation.
It is not about being insufficiently specific. It is about feeling that a subset of posters are not wanted, and crashing out when you realize the damage blanket banning them would cause. I've enjoyed a lot of your posts and would welcome you in the posting trenches, but this certainly ain't it.
Impossible to know how many people were driven off by it, but you served a plate of turds, and upon getting it sent back to the kitchen, picked out a few pieces of corn, put it on a differently colored plate and served it again.
E: I don't mean to single you out in particular, if anyone is emblematic of the problem it would be @replaceable. You making this post is more than they did.
However, one of the most directly damaging sprays of gasoline onto this fire was from your hands, and I really don't think any form of apology cuts it as far as accountability goes.
It isn't. You are defending your actions and explaining how we merely misunderstood you.
Whatever your intent, your action was to call the reader a white cishet man. Your attempt at clearing up that confusion does not make it much better to be honest. Now you're just calling people who enjoy it "very privileged". It's indicative of the same mindset. You are making your own judgement about a group of people you disagree with and cataloguing them into some group that allows you to feel good about thinking ill of them. You know nothing about that group of people. This statement is hurtful and ridiculous too. Here's one clear example why
Nobody thought you meant to intentionally misgender people. That's not why folks are pissed at you for writing that. They're pissed at you for the subconscious bias it reveals, and that is also why this isn't an apology. You're going for "I was misunderstood actually" instead of listening to what people are critiquing you for.