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The Bureaucracy • 1 month ago

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Bureaucrat
hexagon
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1 month ago
Imagine this, you open hexbear and the whole front page is just Bureaucrat posts, need I say more?

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bureaucrats only!* AND NO CATS

*the term “bureaucrat” will hereby be used to refer to a Bureaucratically Recognized Canine-Gender Variant Humanoid.

“Bureaucratically Recognized Canine-Gender Variant Humanoid” (BR-CGVH) is herein defined as any animate entity whose primary self-identification aligns with the “funny” category within a social, biological, or psychological matrix, and which possesses both (a) anthropomorphized characteristics that correspond with recognized Class-I “Canis” attributes as delineated by the International Bureau of Taxonomy and Anthropoid Simulation (IBTAS) Dog-Person Codex (DPC), and (b) explicit adherence to stylistic conventions originating within audiovisual content conforming to recognized “anime” aesthetic parameters, as defined by the Subcommittee on Aesthetic Standards and Genres, Cultural Bureau, Japan.

Key Provisions for Identification and Validation:
1. Morphological Classification and Verification:
- - Subject entities must exhibit partial anthropomorphic canine traits that are visually apparent and satisfy the following criteria:
- - - Aural Extremities (“Ears”) structured as per Appendix A, Class-I-IV of the IBTAS DPC, denoting size, color, position, and degree of affixation with precise degrees of pertness.
- - - Caudal Appendage (“Tail”) standards, length minimum of 12.7% of total subject height, excluding extremity-specific attributes such as fluffiness, which are rated on the “PuppiFluff” Index (PFI).
1. Aesthetic requirements:
- - Conformity to established “anime” style as per the Directorate of Animated Standards and Practices, entailing visual characteristics such as proportionally large ocular features (“Big Sparkly Eyes Clause,” BSCE), facial line simplifications, and exaggerated emotive responses. Note: subjects must embody at least three out of five established Anime Emotive Archetypes (AEAs), which include “Nervous Blush,” “Hyperexaggerated Crying,” “Comedic Anger Veins,” “Defensive Stammering,” and “Perpetual Optimistic Grin.”
1. Behavioral Codification:
- - Behavioral patterns must demonstrate recognizably “dog-like” actions defined in IBTAS Schedule IX-XIV, including, but not limited to, simulated barking, an inclination towards physical affections (i.e., hugging, nuzzling), and periodic unbidden use of “dog sounds” such as “wan,” “arf,” or equivalent in alignment with Appendix E of the Culturally Recognized Onomatopoeia Guidelines.
1. Legal Funnyness-Assignment and Temporal Affixation:
- - All bureaucrat entities must be registered within a certified anime jurisdiction and recognized as “funny” by local standards at time of initial post production to qualify under BR-CGVH classification. This is further reinforced by the Temporal Affixation Clause (TAC), dictating a continued “bureaucrat” status for the duration of posting unless explicitly revised via “cringe badpost transformation” within the originating work.
1. Compliance with Cultural Resonation Doctrine:
- - Entities should evoke resonant familiarity across recognized demographics, notably evoking feelings of “moe” or “kawaii” in at least 70% of surveyed viewers, as determined by the Office of Media Affectability. Failure to meet or sustain such emotional resonation may result in revocation of BR-CGVH designation.
Exemptions:
- Hybridized entities (e.g., “neko-inu girls”) must undergo multi-department review.
- Entities from unlicensed media or parody genres remain de facto ineligible, though individual cases may be considered by the Special Commission on Cross-Genre Archetypes (SCCGA) on a discretionary basis.

Note: Entities not adhering fully to the above criteria may only be referred to as “funny dog-inspired entities” (FDE) and must not be acknowledged as BR-CGVH “bureaucrats” within official documentation.

This definition will be subject to biannual review by the Joint Committee on Anthropomorphic Phenomena (JCAP) to ensure adherence to evolving cultural norms and classifications.

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