So I just realized I might exhibit one of the common autistic experiences. It certainly feels like overstimulation in a literal sense, previously I've thought of it as being overwhelmed or things getting too intense. I snap my fingers, flex my hand, scrabble around with whatever's in my hand, repeatedly whisper
CW: suicide
"I hate you" or "Kill yourself"
under my breath almost like an incantation, even bash my fists against my temples when it gets bad.
The problem is this is almost always in response to thoughts I'm having or something I remember, which doesn't seem very external, and everything I read keeps saying it's only with external stimuli from one's environment. So is this something else?
Edit: Talked with my therapist and she said this is extremely OCD pilled. Task failed successfully
It's all good.
I'm glad to hear that your therapist has a measured approach to this stuff, I genuinely hate being in a position of criticising a therapist or a clinician as an outsider based on second-hand info because there's a lot of layers of complexity within that and I think it's kinda wrecker shit to go and mess with what's going on within the consultation room, except where there's a clear example of something being really wrong. Hence why you hear me talking in generalities and encouraging caution or speaking about trends without making any direct statements about someone's therapist except where they've really fucked up.
Indeed. It would make things so much easier.