Realized I was fluctuating in how I feel about this personally for my sense of self and was wondering how other enby ppl feel about it?

Sometimes I feel totally baffled by other people's gender and gendered social norms and cues and feel pretty strongly agender, other times I feel a pretty strong sense of my gender as being a positive kind of "thing in itself" that isn't a woman and definitely not a man, but there aren't really universally understood cues and roles for what that is interacting with cis ppl

I feel like I might be better off if I were in a culture that had an understood tradition of a third gender role but I struggle to articulate what that is

It's somewhere between futch femme and lightly masc queer "boi"? Idk

It didn't feel right IDing as a binary trans woman, but it was much better than cis guy, and enby feels right as a label but I sometimes feel like I'm not "trans enough?" Idk

I like femmy stuff sometimes but most of my clothing and style are fairly unisex

It feels kinda like when I came out as bi/pan and kinda felt from interacting with gay spaces and straight spaces that I was too queer for the straights and not gay enough for the gays

I don't wanna sound like I'm trying to be all "oh boohoo I'm so misunderstood and special" or whatever because I know it all sounds really adolescent and conceited and I'm too old for that lol but idk if other enbys have some thoughts on feelings agender vs a third gender. I guess this is where terms like "demigender" "demigurl/boi" come in? Idk

C'mon man, there's at least three jack

Thanks in advance lovely ppl