(CW: chapters 4 and 5 contain explicit discussions of sexual assault)

Hello comrades, it's time for our second discussion thread for The Will to Change, covering Chapters 4 (Stopping Male Violence) and 5 (Male Sexual Being). Thanks to everyone who participated last week, I’m looking forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts again. And if you’re just joining the book club this week, welcome!

I'll be sharing my full thoughts later as there's quite a lot of unpack in these chapters.

In Ch.4 hooks delves into how patriarchal repression of men's emotional worlds most often manifests as violence and rage, especially against women and children, and how patriarchy conditions both young boys and young girls to perpetuate the cycle. Ch.5 explores how patriarchal attitudes extend to the bedroom and twist our popular conceptions of sexuality, sexual fulfillment, and physical and emotional satisfaction.

If you haven't read the book yet but would like to, its available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)

As always let me know if you'd like to be added to the ping list!

Our next discussion will be on Chapters 6 (Work: What's Love Got To Do With It?) and 7 (Feminist Manhood), beginning on 12/18.

  • AcidSmiley [she/her]
    ·
    10 hours ago

    I have never been violent in my adulthood but the killing of the emotional sense was definitely part of my life. I have found recently that I don't think I know what emotions feel like and never really knew that emotions were felt in the self. I thought they were just something people applied to situations. Like this is suppose to be sad so I feel sad.

    A good friend of mine struggles a lot with alexithymia (being unable to understand and identify one's emotions) due to trauma and autism, she's been working with various emotion wheels as a ressource and it has been surprisingly efficient. You can easily find various versions of this when you just google "emotions wheel" or "feelings wheel", and when you regularly apply that, you slowly train yourself to connect to your emotions again.

    • dumples@midwest.social
      ·
      10 hours ago

      My therapist recommended that to me as well. I have been using How We Feel which is an app that asks you multiple times a day to check in with your emotion. It was created as part of a book I read called Permission to Feel which I also recommend. The app is easier to use. But the whole thesis is that people can't label emotions and this is suppose to help with that. I have felt that it has helped over the last few months as I use it daily.

      I also was recommended The Atlas of the Heart which shows related emotion together as well as being a beautiful book. Its helpful to talk about the difference from guilt and shame or stressed vs overwhelmed because they are related. I recommend it as well.

      I am using the tools and getting better at everything but I feel like I should have known this when I was much younger. I am in my 30's and I feel like I am a 5 year old when it comes to identify emotions. I am only good at positive emotions and I use it to cover up or hide anything negative. But I am getting better at a good pace