It's like this every year. If you know, you know.
I never really had a fondness for fucking christmas spirit or whatever so it figures I'd have no affection for anything holiday related I guess. But my significant other has both considerable trauma (bad experiences on and around the day) and and a desire for doing something together on the day.
When I moved out a few years ago, I thought finally I'd be able to do cool and original things around it, y'know build up our own little traditions. That's a thing people do, right? But my stupidass job had me working the week of the 25th like every other year if not more, so half the time I wasn't even off. Lmao, no spoons.
I also figured that now I'm fired due to being increasingly deathly ill, I would truly have the time and spoons to do stuff for the holidays! I can use some of that sweet sweet gubmint money what I stole from hardworking taxpayers (what a welfare queen lmao) to do something nice for us, right?? I'm sure I won't be equally if not moreso bereft of spoons due to a multitude of things including eviction hearings, chronic pain and more???
Right?????
It just exhausts me and I hate absolutely fucking everything. That bit post about banning christmas under communism is something I uncritically support. I dunno.
I just can’t give a shit this year. All I look forward to is new years because I convince myself to horrors are a 12 month cycle.
The media is poison. The same banal messages around the clock. I just want to live in a shack somewhere not too far from the sea. No tv or radio. My computer and phone stripped to the bare minimum I need for work, theory and actual culture.