I am traumogenic (trauma created/clinical DID) plural system. It is highly likely that I never had a "core personality" that I was born as and instead have always had either an infant mental state or multiple personalities. (During the time most babies begin to form a coherent personality, I formed several. It is possible that not every system forms like this but highly like I did)

Every time I've felt I was singular, I've experienced mental walls, amnesia and other DID symptoms. If someone could do a "I'm singular ama" that'd be cool because I have questions too. :)

    • Pleasure_Hacktivist [doe/deer,hy/hym]
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      4 years ago

      We're still very much in a place with unintentional switching, trauma holders switching out and having flashbacks and even fights for "front" occur. We used some of our stimulus money to buy some expensive books made for clinical practice and recovery to help with this. We took a coaching course with the system that hosts "Many Minds on the Issue" podcast that helped us get to the notion of becoming a collective system. There is also the Plural Association, which has a pdf on "how to become a collective system" Those resources are run by people who have way more experience being aware and in communication with their systems then we do. I also have a radical friend group who helps talk to people in the system and gently questions their worldviews and gets thinking about how these work and why. Luna Oi's series on thinking dialectically has been also very helpful to our system. The clinical books also help a lot. It's a lot of work but it's better than the state I was previously in, which felt like being walled off from my own mind and involved getting "passive influence" as opposed to communication.

        • Pleasure_Hacktivist [doe/deer,hy/hym]
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          4 years ago

          Sure, fighting for front can actually be very non violent but is disorienting and other times can be protective in nature but pretty dramatic. (To give a general non personal example, one member of a system may wish to self harm and another be like "Nope" and essentially will themselves to take front in an emergency)

          For me, I actually had a fight for front tonight while doing this thread. One of us was having fun answering the questions because they really enjoy organizing and education work, another wanted to go to a zoom movie night and another or possibly the former didn't want to attend the movie night because any content around Romcoms upsets them deeply. So, there was a lot of disorientation and a mix of "I'm excited for this film" and "I hate this" feelings of bitterness. (Which might come from a third alter because writing this now I don't feel that but also I'm not currently scheduled to watch a RomCom. So I'm in the clear.)

          Often times fight for front can be like, one alter has a hobby or interest and they want to have fun but another one objects for some reason. So what happens is internal disharmony. Like, one alter might win at getting the body to, let's say a cafe but the alter who does the social communication might be visibly miffed at being there and want to leave but weirdly feels drawn to staying. It can send major "I am here against my will" vibes to an observant outsider. Other alters can like, send unpleasant emotions or even internally bullying another for having interests.

            • Pleasure_Hacktivist [doe/deer,hy/hym]
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              4 years ago

              Thank you. I'm actually working on a platformist project for Volcel atm. (Unironically because my DID recovery at this point basically requires it and I've been having a hard time finding healthy resources on this and getting my support in things like finding affordable anti capitalist housing supportive of said needs.)