I am traumogenic (trauma created/clinical DID) plural system. It is highly likely that I never had a "core personality" that I was born as and instead have always had either an infant mental state or multiple personalities. (During the time most babies begin to form a coherent personality, I formed several. It is possible that not every system forms like this but highly like I did)
Every time I've felt I was singular, I've experienced mental walls, amnesia and other DID symptoms. If someone could do a "I'm singular ama" that'd be cool because I have questions too. :)
Also just to clarify, my reasons for sharing that was that I was concerned you may have had a not good or well trained therapist. (I don't know you or your treatment history so I can't say) Like, this sounds like DID in some regards but not completely in others and therapists can sometimes discourage DID diagnosed patients from talking to each other, which can create circumstances that aren't good for patient self advocacy. (Talking to others with DID and plurality can sometimes disorient me if they are like, really not understanding the world at all in but largely the benefits have been major) Depersonalization is a big part of DID but treatment for DID that is clinically accepted by the ISSTD involves directly working with an alter that can communicate back. These are intense symptoms you're describing and ones known to occur in patients with severe dissoaciative disorders. (Which the ISSTD also works with beyond DID/OSDD) Basically from my knowledge of the clinical side of things, I'm a bit concerned that there might be an issue with either the diagnosis or the treatment plan. I can't advise or comment further and if I happen to be incorrect, I hope that it can be understood that I've both seen and heard of severely mismanaged DID and non DID cases many times and that this concern stems from wanting to make sure you are an empowered client/patient and know that you have recourse if the therapy is in fact not what it needs to be because so often DID and other intense disassociative trauma survivors don't know we have recourse/support. There is a podcast called the System Speak podcast made by a system who has a PHD in a related field and has many guests on who talk about various severe dissoaciative disorders. The ISSTD website has a ton of resources for both clinicians and patients. (International Society for Study of Trauma and Dissassocation) To be clear, this is all information and resources I'd want people to know in general and I do not know you or your circumstances. This information is also for others reading this who might need this or know someone who does.
Basically "It's awesome if the treatment plan you have is working and makes sense, if it doesn't then here's some potentially empowering resources"
its DID its just a subtype called depersonalization, no i dont have an alter just it all goes away and i become nothing. my hands dont feel like my own, everything feels fake and gray, my senses become dulled, you could break a bone and i wouldnt feel it, i become very mellow and still and unable to form coherent thoughts. happens randomly. cptsd has an opposite effect for me, i become hyperaware of my surroundings, pace, and i flip the fuck out and have definite triggers and crazy vivid flashbacks that mostly deal with bodily sensation.