In short, I'm miserable, lonely, and broke. I need to get the fuck out of California and into someplace with rent less than $1000 a month. I also need to find a job that gets me like $25 an hour. I'm good at data entry and formwork and I have a really great voice I have no idea what to do with. I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing and I suck ass at all the important parts of being a person, and all the people who try to help me can't help me or I don't get it because I got the full power of the spectrum radiating inside of my forebrain and it's fucking me up.
I've tried budgeting with spreadsheets and it doesn't work for me. I've tried looking for work but it's a brand new hell every time I open the browser. I hate this. I fucking hate that mental illness fucked me up when I was supposed to figure out my life and now that I'm finding a bit of peace within myself I still have to contend with all the things everyone else has to do and recognizes as shitty but somehow get done while I just suck ass at everything.
Help me.
What I try to do is recognize the behavior when it's happening without judging it. Instead of getting annoyed with myself when I realize I somehow ended up scrolling again, I just remind myself that this isn't what I want to be doing and put the phone down. I'll probably pick it up again in five minutes, but everytime I put it down the habit becomes just a tiny bit more ingrained.
I'm still here in the middle of a work day so it obviously isn't a perfect system, but I'm trying to focus on the process instead of getting frustrated on the days when I don't get results.