• zifnab25 [he/him, any]
    hexbear
    25
    9 months ago

    A country full of leaders who scream and cry about how Jesus isn't allowed in schools, but will do everything in their power to prevent you from feeding the hungry or providing care to the sick or visiting the imprisoned.

    I really wonder how a so-called conservative administrator would respond to a class trip to downtown Houston to pass out sandwiches alongside Food Not Bombs. Heaven help whichever teacher suggests they visit a Planned Parenthood or introduce kids to a group of public defenders.

    • Nakoichi [he/him]
      hexbear
      25
      9 months ago

      From a few years ago:

      Jesus returns in 2020. Once again, he's brown and Jewish.

      He immediately begins performing miracles. He cures diseases and removes lead piping in poor communities. He creates water and food which he leaves in deserts near the border. He breaks bread with trans people, sex workers, and other undesirables. He speaks out against foreign wars and gay conversion therapy. He advocates for showing mercy to people fleeing violence and poverty. People wake up one day to find their guns transformed into farm equipment.

      Smelling an opportunity, Trump hammers Jesus on Twitter as a socialist agitator helping "invaders" to "destroy America." Sean Hannity does an hour-long special debunking his miracles and discussing how his agenda is anti-American and meant to undermine Christianity. Jerry Falwell Jr. leads a movement of evangelical pastors denouncing him from pulpits across the nation.

      Eventually, Jesus is arrested for providing healthcare without a license, leaving food and water in the desert, protesting outside a free speech zone, destruction of property, and eventually sedition and terrorism. His followers are placed on an FBI watchlist.

      Following a short trial, he is convicted and sentenced to death. Smelling another opportunity, Trump gives the American people the opportunity to choose whether he should pardon Jesus, or a Border Patrol officer convicted of murdering migrants. Following a social media campaign, a coalition led by the religious and political right manages to swing the vote. The Border Patrol officer is pardoned, and immediately begins a campaign for state senate in Arizona.

      Because of drug shortages, Jesus is executed using an experimental electric cross. The ensuing earthquakes and eclipse are interpreted as God's displeasure with the gay agenda. A selfie of a prison guard inserting the muzzle of his AR-15 into a hole burned into Jesus' side goes viral. Republican voters start a trend of getting this scene as a tattoo, which is good for discounts at friendly businesses. Iran deploys several low-yield nuclear weapons in response to a US invasion, producing a strain of stinging scorpion-locusts which decimate crop yields. Several new diseases develop in starving refugee camps.

      Thanks in part to voters mobilized by the trial and execution, as well as fears of deteriorating global security, Trump is reelected by narrow margins. Falwell Jr. is inspired to declare him the second coming of the messiah.

  • @conditional_soup@lemm.ee
    hexbear
    14
    9 months ago

    Dead ass, Jesus got killed for defying the establishment. They didn't exactly like him, but they were happy to let him do his thing until he touched the money (the cleansing of the temple). It's no coincidence that Jesus got the any% crucifixion speedrun record after that. Anyone who thinks that the same thing wouldn't happen in this ChRiStIaN nAtIoN is kidding themselves.