You probably know and don't want to hear this but for the benefit of readers:
SSRIs commonly present new and dramatic side effects when you stop taking them after they have built up in your system. Suicidal ideation is one of these, and is often reportedly worse during the period of time where the meds are leaving your body than it was before you took them or after the few weeks it takes to reajust. So its not uncommon that people experience 'wanting to kill myself when I stop taking them', but that might be a side effect of the meds rather than 'you without the meds' if that makes sense. Not you specifically but generally.
You probably know and don't want to hear this but for the benefit of readers:
SSRIs commonly present new and dramatic side effects when you stop taking them after they have built up in your system. Suicidal ideation is one of these, and is often reportedly worse during the period of time where the meds are leaving your body than it was before you took them or after the few weeks it takes to reajust. So its not uncommon that people experience 'wanting to kill myself when I stop taking them', but that might be a side effect of the meds rather than 'you without the meds' if that makes sense. Not you specifically but generally.