Anyone that gets home after a workday and doesn’t need to melt into their sofa are legit dickheads. Also isn’t it great that you’re so God dammed good-looking? Use your pretty power and make some social change, stop hoarding it with you TikToks and Snapchats. Even my long term partner doesn’t find me attractive.

Also for fucks sales, can I pay a FPS game without getting headshot on the very same frame that I enter the room, pretty please. I don’t have the energy to do headshot training so I can make middle aged gamers feel slow and dumb when they dare enter multiplayer. I can only play LoL with friends, because some energetic teenager knows all the hotkeys and can kill me before my first attack.

Don’t get me started on their anime. One Punch Man… that’s all he does? Wow, you really broke a sweat in the planning room on that one. JoJo… more like PooPoo. Cowboy Bebob and Fullmetal Alchemist are still the standards that new anime has yet to surpass.

Lastly, I just fucking hate how keen they are. Oh so you went the gym 4x this week and you’re nearly done with The Conquest of Bread? Don’t make me feel bad for binge rewatching Bojack Horseman in my underwear all weekend.

For these reasons and more, I suggest that we ban all users between 16-29.