I'm trying to be better but I'm terrible some days and better others, my willpower day-to-day isn't at all consistent enough to help. I'm always depressed and tired, even when I take my meds and get good sleep.
I love to imagine myself as I would be if I had the willpower and energy to tackle each day. What it would be like to be able to make friends as an adult without having anyone from college, highschool, or childhood. What it would be like if I could go about my day with confidence in my own ability, knowing I can back it up. What it would be like to live in my skin without wanting to scream all the time even when I'm happy. What it would be like if I was enough for myself.
What it would be like if I was just good enough to be okay. I wish I could be okay
How about ya'll?
I know many people are like me in one way or another, and asking if there are is kind of pointless, but I just want to hear from people like me. I don't want to be alone.
But I also know that these things are literally mostly the fault of the banal dystopia wearing down our will to live every day. As well as that despite all this shit you still believe in us, in the potential of humanity, is an act of love so pure that one who feels it cannot be evil. I will not accept your self hatred, you are a good person, just one thats been worn to pieces trying to pull them back together.
This is based on nothing besides the fact that I recognise your username and I get the vibe that you're in that 16-25yo bracket.
With that in mind and from what you've said here, which is admittedly very little info, I would recommend considering the possibility that you may be neurodivergent (specifically of the ADHD/autistic/AuDHD varieties.)
It's just a wild hunch so I'm not going to go into the why of it but it's just worth thinking about and especially trying a screening test or two over.
Im not self-doxxing but dw i am not a minor
Im diagnosed autistic and adhd, but that was a good deduction. I have trouble figuring out if others are the same. I think thats also another symptom.
I wish I could be normal
I know the desire to feel normal, but I also take pride in my disability and neurodivergence, and you should, too. Love yourself, comrade.
I posted a link to a video about Autistic burnout here around a month ago. It was somewhat of a revelation of why I felt like I was becoming weaker in my abilities. I knew I was AuDHD since I was diagnosed very young, but this was information that explained more about what I am going through recently.
so autistic burnout is worse somehow? I think im just lazy or something.
It's not laziness if you are struggling. Take care of yourself, comrade. I know it's very hard, but I believe we will get to a better state someday. (I know, I am being very optimisitic, but you know, pessimism of the mind, optimism of the will.)
A good sentiment comrade, and very true.