I think bearsite has less of this than other trans spaces, but it's still here, I've seen trickles of hatred of masculinity, of being male, of men, trans or cis. I won't deny that it makes me feel, (I can't speak for all transmasc folks here) sort of like I don't belong here, I've wandered into a space that isn't intended for me, even though we're all trans together.
I feel like there would be a lot less Trans Distress™ if we chased gender euphoria instead of focusing solely on our dysphoria.
I personally have been there before in my own journey and felt that guilt that you're experiencing, like if I'm not crying myself to sleep every night I'm not trans enough.
But, I kind of liken it to taking a walk in chilly weather, you're uncomfortable, awkward, trying to cover yourself up, that kind of thing. Gender Euphoria to me feels like putting on a comfy coat on that chilly day- it feels nice, feels right, I'm warm now. I wasn't going to die walking around with no coat, but it sure does feel a helluva lot better with one, yanno?
I've been lurking around following your posts and I just wanted to chime in for a second. Hope it's not offensive or anything and really hope it makes sense. I have nothing but love and pride watching your personal journey unfold and whatever you decide, it will be a choice you made for YOURSELF and that's what's important 🥰