you don’t have to shelter them from societal norms and expectations, but make sure they know that deviating from those norms is ok
Good distinction. I don’t think I could shelter them even if I wanted too. And I’m sure that by the time he hits puberty, gender norms will have evolved anyway. It’s all a process I guess. And yeah I guess my question really was whether or not this might be “an expression of innate trans-ness”, which when you put it that way sounds a little over the top on my part. But still I’m glad I asked
For the most part as long as you’re clearly accepting and give them some basic info
I just want to make sure that the “basic info” is age appropriate, which obviously I have no model for. But a lot of it does seem to come naturally. Kids ask a ton of questions and play a bunch of social games so the info seems to get out eventually.
the silly little child that can barely express themselves right now will be a fully formed preteen and then a teen and then an adult and they will advocate for themselves
What you’re getting at is indeed reassuring. It’s a major relief whenever a kid is finally able to advocate for themselves about something because it’s one less thing to worry about managing for them. But I think what’s more a concern is not that his means of expression are silly or crude, but rather exactly how serious and complex they already are. Gender is so complicated and watching a kid pick it all up implicitly is both incredible and intimidating.
Pretty much every trans person I know, including myself, deeply regrets that we didn’t have the opportunity to start HRT when we were younger. That matters far, far more than what name you call a child or what they wear.
Noted. I think I massively underestimated the importance of this consideration. Puberty feels a long way away but I know it’ll get here in what feels like no time. So this has been a good reminder to have that conversation
Yeah, fair. I’d post on main but I’m not about to tie my kids’ info to my shitposts. Posting is a slow doxx and all that.
I think there was that stat that like 80% of accounts who post before commenting get banned. But tbh writing this post already took up more time than I anticipated. I’m not gonna take a bunch of time to “look normal” before asking a question. All I know is I appreciate everyone answering. It’s been helpful
As a trans young adult with parents who were “tolerant” but not accepting, what you’ve already shared (if true) is amazing.
I have trans relatives and watched their parents become “tolerant” but never really cross the line into accepting. And the amount of internalized transphobia that comes out of that alone is heartbreaking.
We’re a ways off from hormone blockers with him, but I suppose that’s a conversation I should have with my wife now so we’re on the same page and aren’t laying tracks right in front of the train down the line.
Yeah I think we’ve done an okay job of making sure our older kid feels comfortable wearing whatever she likes to school. She started out real bizarre but has already developed a pretty robust and unique fashion sense, especially for how young she is. I am worried about how some extended family will react. Cutting off family is hard but I know that no amount of education will be enough for some of them and if it comes down to that I’m not letting them harm my kids. Just dealing with the outside world as a parent is hard.
We can definitely do support, love, and encouragement. That’s very in our wheelhouse. I do worry about how to navigate experimentation while in school in a couple years, but I also am prepared to be an aggressive advocate and be the squeaky wheel if that’s what my kids need.
experimentation/phases should be celebrated
This is a good mantra as well. Weird that phases are downplayed as “less real” in some way
sus first post from a day old account but i’ll share my thoughts on my experience as a trans kid and what could have made things easier for myself (ymmv) idk how old your kid is so… very big difference if your kid is 10-13 than 5-9
I realized I forgot to mention his age and ended up editing the title to include it, but I’m guessing you started writing this before I did that. He’s 3. Including stuff like his age and personal details about both my kids made this throwaway account necessary, but I understand the hesitation and appreciate your responding anyway.
As an adult trans person, I rationalize this as all kids are pretty androgynous up till puberty and I simply didnt care at the time because I hadn’t hit it yet.
This is a good point. I think I have an unexamined belief that kids know their gender implicitly even though I know rationally that a lot of them don’t. I know the “I’ve always known” thing is also a lot more complicated. Good to keep all that in mind.
I just think education is all thats needed. Maybe the kid will want blockers in the future, maybe not. Just be nice to your kid and make sure they know everything they need to know a bit before puberty time.
This is more or less the plan. I just get caught up with the specifics sometimes. Thanks for sharing such personal experiences and helping me sort that out.
The enlarged prefrontal cortex and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race