if you feel you need validation from having a partner then it could perhaps mean you would benefit from improving your capacity to find validation from within yourself.

one more time:

also before anyone chimes in with “it’s cool/ok/fine to be single” or any variant thereof….I’ve already spent major chunks of my adult life, years at a time, on my own. I’ve reaped all the benefits there are from singlehood

moreover for me at least it's not a problem of "validation," I'm more than used to supplying my own (I've taken enough unsuccessful stabs at both therapy and depression meds to get tagged as "treatment resistant" so you best believe I keep busy as hell!), it's a simple matter of loneliness (itself a downstream symptom of broader trends in social and economic alienation as many others itt have pointed out)

did they meet those broke manual laborers in their 30s?

you're the second person irked by it so I got rid of it

so much of this post resonates with me, especially your opening sentence. I know what to do and just to keep on keeping on because my instincts are I think not wildly off base or whatever. I'm not quite past the bring mad stage yet but I'm working on it :)

mainly two reasons:

1 at this point my close friends, who I can count on one hand, are ppl I've known for 10-15+ years and it just feels weird to rock certain boats in certain directions iykwim

2 my friends are all "well-adjusted" lib professionals whose friends are also that and none of them would stoop to dating a broke manual laborer who doesn't want to buy a house or whatever. I'm a total outlier in my social circle even a degree or two removed. again, whoops!

obv everyone is different but I don't love the idea of having a 10+ yr age gap between me and my partner, unfortunately (for me) societally this is not only accepted but desirable for a lot of women who date men (there's literally an article about this on the front page of this website rn last I checked). I personally don't like it cause there's just too much difference (I still remember before the internet!) if/when I hit my mid-40s I think it will feel less weird to say, try dating someone in their early thirties, but idk, maturity levels and rates of emotional and social development vary so much and it's such a crapshoot when it comes to ppl in their early 20s that as a rule I generally steer clear. I don't automatically condemn all relationships with that sort of age gap but they do seem to generate fucked up dynamics a lot.

as for how I "know" that, I guess I don't really... I'm just guessing based on anecdotal observation and such. I will say the last time I quasi hooked up with someone (a significant period of time ago) it was essentially an accident of proximity/via friends and they fell slightly below my preferred age gap threshold and.....I immediately regretted it. it was powerfully wrong. (not going into details on here lol)

Most trans ppl I meet in this town are significantly younger than me tbh

Oh man I feel that re: conversations on the apps. Like a more personal and deflating version of a bad job interview.

Oh yeah I've been through a version of that bullshit wringer. I definitely prize being single over being/staying in a toxic situation.....but the former can still be a huge bummer.

That's actually a good argument. If/when I have the patience and capacity to handle being on The Apps (and money to go on dates and use them lol) I will consider that!

solidarity my friend. I am too full of spite to not list my height on the apps tbh, if the other person is gonna be hung up on height at all I'd rather give them a chance to miss out

I have roomies for this purpose. Not the same :( incidentally, having roomies ALSO makes it harder to date women my age smdh

oh yeah the poly marrieds + couples etc I know who have kept their shit together have def worked hard at it (a few others have seen things explode spectacularly). it's just hard as someone who has not managed to go on a date in ~2yrs to hear them casually talk about the seeming reams of dates they go on sometimes (even if most of those dates are invariably terrible lol)

was not meant as a broader dig at poly folks, just frustrating to contrast my life vs my friends', and operating as a pair makes a lot of things undeniably simpler vs being alone (again, ime)