That's almost word for word what I'm going through too. I waffle on hating Americans and not blaming them for the programming to be doing what they're doing. I think the latter is just to keep myself from being consumed with cynicism and hatred. I'm so tired and overworked and desperately looking for another job because mine has such built in precarity that I can't emotionally handle right now.

I relate hard to this. I got in decent shape this year until August when I just started to have no energy. The exhaustion while doing less is getting to me, I get home from work and don't do anything and then feel guilty because I didn't work on music or read as much as I said I would. I just moved too so I'm super isolated. I try to tell myself it's all temporary but I see friends in other countries doing normal things and I get so mad and sad about how stupid we are in the US.

Oh yeah I looked for answers on my manager sending me a text mistakenly saying they were gonna fire us all and they said she was fine to say that. Like no shit but like thats not what I'm here for.