pinkcub [he/him]

that boombox though. otherwise pretty standard basic sports bro wear. i kinda dress like that too except i have no brand loyalty and will mixmatch all the sweatshop companies into a mixed outfit. its all bad though lol

i mean we all have an inner child but at this point i feel like i gotta keep it under a heavy layer of adulting unless im with people who i can feel safe around and who wont abuse that.

that and its hard to be taken seriously unless you got your adult game on in a lot of situations.

that said, though, I've been learning how to treat my inner child better by adulting myself more kindly than the adults/role models in my life did to me when i was younger, if that makes sense.

i wouldn't mind going to some shows or something like i used to do when i was younger just to see how it feels sober and if its still for me and stuff, dunno, ill play around with it if/when I feel like it

if you don't put it into practice you can theorize all you want and it amounts to nothing and you do intelectually walk yourself into a doomer position, what can I say. of course its not simple but if you don't attempt to bring about the more militant material conditions through participating in active struggle and injecting yourself into these situations and doing coordinations you wont even know the tiniest extent of the complexities involved on a practical level. not disparaging the work you are citing, its probably an interesting read but sometimes you learn a lot more about the books you read through actually talking and organizing with workers engaged in active struggle, just a thought.

i don't wanna talk about what im in or not in on this site for opsec reasons but i'd imagine all sorts of parties are gonna try to bring their particular theories into practice

otherwise i agree about guys like obrien and fain representing leadership of more militant slates than the last hoffa/curry regimes, for one, and being part of troublemaker-type slates but with leadership you gotta be careful because they will sometimes get comfortable in those paid positions and also can get corrupt and start working hand in hand with the capitalists and ignore the rank and file.

rank and file unionism is better than business-as-usual unionism but imo it still has some weaknesses and has a tendency to still bend to the libs/sucdems before the fight even starts through rellying on business-class politicians for support through electoral campaigns or backroom deals instead of focusing on class struggle as the primary tool and escalation tactic. i have higher hopes for TDU and UAWD relative to previous slates/caucauses and really see potential there but as far as Obrien/Fein are concerned, they gotta feel the heat under their ass from the workers to feel the pain and really represent what the struggle is about to be good leadership. anyway exciting stuff

that's on the capitalists to worry about. as workers our weapon is striking, even if illegally. fuck them. workers have faced the national guard before and won. im tired of this BS workers are helpless narrative, i just hope teamsters leadership really is about it and doesn't sabotage the actual rank and file anger that is present when presented with some slightly better deal by capital in the form of legislation or a slightly less bad deal by management or some other bullshit. of course capital is gonna do what they are gonna do and the interest rate belt tightening scheme has been the way to go for them but that in no way invalidates the power of striking, which will make supply chains hurt and disrupt the ability of capital to realize its profits significantly. of course they have counter-playbooks and we gotta be aware (and frankly offer counter analysis and playbooks to workers and caucauses within unions) of those but im generally impressed with obrien slate and TDU so far and how they are not bowing to pressure. that said, apart from talking good game at the negotiating table history will show how militant they will allow the workers to be when presented with harder pressure from capital and how class consciousness will persist or not in response to the inevitable counter-attacks. either way im going to show up to the strike, should it happen, and talk to workers and push them farther along the path towards revolutionaries during those heated moments.

i get what you mean to a certain extent. i sometimes feel excluded from sex too, sometimes for years on end, though most recently most of that was due to my own desire to be excluded from certain types of social interractions and situations and keeping to myself and not putting myself out there in enough quantity to get that.

that said though, if you are asking for it genuinely and in a socially appropriate manner (when you got reasonable expectations they want it too, after some amount of conversations where they basically let you know they want you etc) eventually you'll find someone who wants to do it with you. i feel like its a numbers game and also can be highly stressful process but yeah i guess mostly id encourage you to never give up regardless.

one thing that helped me with that is actually tracking my macros and calories with an app and also tracking approximate calories burned with exercise. prior to that i was working out heavy daily and still not losing weight. turns out i was overeating (not getting deficit) by like 2k calories almost daily and didn't even realize it.

these days, if i actually am hitting my calorie deficit goal then im good. it is tricky though because some foods have more fat and carbs than others and stimulate the hunger response more even at the same calory level. drinking water helps and switching up to something less caloric but satiating also but yeah its not super easy always

re the sex thing that was me trying to explore how i feel as ive definitely have had a hard time confusing sex with intimacy in the past but yeah lots of people are ahead of me in that regard lol

re writing, honestly dude that sounds fucking awesome. there are people that like people that write lol. i guess you could bring up your writing in conversations and stuff and get into circles of people that do that and share your stuff with them and get into some kind of writing-related friend group or something. dunno, my last attempt at writing didn't last very long lol

honestly if anything doesn't feel right you are allowed to cut off the friendship. if they matter to you and you want to make the effort, you can let them know you are not cool with them doing it and try to set boundaries like not doing anything involving them + car or not doing anything at all with them until they change the behavior in some verifiable way. also they may need to deal with addictions they have but that's on them to do

i mean it is a family, kinda, a highly dysfunctional one

if you are a headache to replace you can do that much more than otherwise

it might not get you axed but bosses are habitual boundary crossers and they only understand leverage, so if you can deal with the abuse for a while, while organizing to unionize or at least lining up another job then you are at least dong something to address it while your boundaries are getting violated.

otherwise you could just go full on combat mode against the boss as an individual. if you are difficult to replace you can swing it but otherwise for your satisfaction you'll get axed so you better have some money saved up or have some family or other safety net or be cool with homelessness

or laterally for that manner, again, at other workers

getting ghosted really does suck. im not super rejection sensitive and the first couple of times it happened on those apps i felt like shit for weeks. it does seem to get better with more rejections, though. also, accepting that I am not a mind reader and that they are not necessarily rejecting my entire person but something that I can't really pinpoint or that they just had something or someone else going on has been somewhat helpful. anyway, I guess one more adaptive way of coping ( that sweet sweet copium lol ) with it is treating it like a series of experiments that i'm conducting to figure out what works best in certain situations which depersonalizes it a bit and makes it less painful and more like a game, which is what a lot of the early stages of dating are anyway, at least until you get to the more real connection stage, which frankly im still struggling to get to. getting laid != intimacy either, at least based on a lot of my experiences, necessarily but its still nice for its own sake lol

nice, you really got the diet, exercise and general appearance/hygiene stuff dialed in. Im currently having to redo my workouts because i got a shoulder injury from weights but hey I recently started being able to do pullups and have been getting a bunch of enjoyment off that, as it was a long term goal i finally achieved. sleep is a rough one, i also rarely dream. today I did. i usually sleep between 5-6 hours a day but I do also catch up whenever I can and that's usually when i dream. i did a whopping 13.5 hours of sleep today, so maybe that was it lol. maybe its a little maladaptive to do that but I felt I really needed it and I don't do it super often.

connecting to people can be rough. i get my own kind of burnouts too but I haven't gotten any diagnosis and based on the online tests i take i think i am on the lower end of the spectrum for autism and adhd, so our experiences may not be comparble, tbh, especially if you are further on that spectrum. i have found a few close comrades that I can sometimes connect to but its hard and have been having difficulties getting real intimacy needs met due to avoidant attachment style, having been in bad relationships with friends in the past, which has made me even more avoidant, and being really picky as to who i want to associate with in general.

dunno, maybe talking to other nd folks that share your special interests can be fun. I definitely enjoy talking to people about communism and nerd shit like linux, for example, that gives me a kick, even if we don't connect super deeper than that.

even NT people say relationships are hard and you kind of have to try over and over again until you click with someone, so i think even "normal" people got a bunch difficulties with it and have a hard time finding their groove.

i mean my work colleagues seem to be better adjusted and have partners and significant others and stuff but then lot of my comrades don't and are also battling with finding the right people they can connect with, so dunno. some of my coworkers are also very ND and look like they are still struggling even after getting some of those intimacy and connection needs met, but yeah, maybe im not the best person for advice on that lol. some of the more experienced relationship folks on here may have better tips on how to find your groove but yeah, those are some of the things that have been working to an extent with me.

recently ive been learning about the importance of watching your own self-talk to yourself. treat yourself better than how others are or have been treating you your entire life. assuming you are not a cop or business owner or something, I'd say you deserve love, even if its only from yourself, for now, so try being kinder to yourself. if you need to not be around people for a while to self-soothe and sleep and watch movies or whatever, that's cool too. if its a chronic thing you may wanna try forcing yourself outside regardless.

i barely managed to pull myself outside today. today i slept much longer than usual but it was heavenly tbh. got transported to another realm (the dream world) for a few hours instead of grinding at work, which was nice. when i did finally pull myself out and saw the sun and some people it gave me a little bit more energy. nothing phenomenal but dialing in diet, minimal social exposure, sleep and exercise does help with depression and beyond that there are some free group therapy and addiction-like recovery groups you can do, sometimes therapists will give hardship discounts, so you can do therapy relatively cheap for a few months and if you have insurance you can pursue better options as well but yeah, keep on keepin on, life is hard and we are all fighting in various ways just to make it through the day. i hope you feel better

thanks dude. a comrade recommended the place im going to right now. peeps there are real respectful and its a great workout. gets a bunch of stress out and feels like really physical chess or something. plus i guess if you like choking people out lol its a safe space to do that kind of thing and you get to hug people lol which is nice too

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glad your dad got out of that cult shit, ive seen people go down rabbit holes like that and it feels great when they can come back.

i mean even for communists too, hobbies are good, keeps you a bit more emotionally regulated, which is good for keeping up relations not just with relatives, normie friends and coworkers but your comrades too and even helps you keep coolheaded around weirdos from other political groups and stuff like that. ive been getting into jiujitsu lately and cooking lately, which has been nice.

damn dude, fuck the cops on principle. hope you make it through this rough situation and get back on your feet. did you lose all your personal documents when your shit got stolen? how's the job search going?