I PLEDGE TO KILL FOR FREE to anyone with institutional authority to shield me from legal responsibility. I am extremely bored, uninteresting, insecure, paranoid, with three divorces. I have a closet full of black clothes with holsters stitched to them, a hat that says "veteran" on it so I can get thanks for my service whenever I'm standing at the professional sales counter at Home Depot, and I'm on a first name basis with all of the police officers who work home football games at the local high school where my daughter used to go before she moved in with her mother, and filed a restraining order against me (because of wokeness.)