So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn't care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.

I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren't for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn't work.

I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend's pee but then I learned that you're actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn't work either.

So basically I'm fucked and I don't know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don't know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?

Also, idk how relevant this is but I'm 5'9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.

  • Anne_Teefa
    ·
    10 months ago

    Been lurking again... But saw this and surprised it hasn't been mentioned specifically. There's a brand of of fruit pectin called Certo and my roommate has used it to pass a piss test because he smoked weed for an injury instead of taking opiates. I forget the minor details but I believe you ingest it an hour before the test and within 4 or 6 hours. Read up on it to confirm the small stuff and the side effects and you should piss with flying colors.

    • Dickey_Butts [none/use name]
      ·
      10 months ago

      I have heard certo is mostly snake oil but it also can't hurt. I wouldn't put all my eggs into that basket anywaym

      • Tunnelvision [they/them]
        ·
        10 months ago

        I’m not saying it does or doesn’t work, but my personal experience is it has worked in conjunction with other methods a few times over the years. Was it the certo? Maybe maybe not. Just adding a data point if it helps.