I think I'd apply for the position of guy who's super interested in something that's only interesting cause it's gsmeplay relevant. I'd stand by a river staring at it day and night and when the protagonist talks to me I'd say "I'd bet I could use a boat to cross this river."
Any NPC from the Castlevania 2 (the American release).
Just a horde of nonsense being screamed at you every time you so much as look in my direction.