What you call "fundamental incompatibility" is something everyone experiences. Even the "normal" people (they don't exist btw. This is part of the reason I prefer the terms neurotypical and neurodivergent because "typical" and "divergent" can describe a range of phenotypes rather than some binary system that only serves extremes). For a stark example, someone who is religious is less likely to want to be with a person that's not religious. That doesn't mean that the secular person in this example should torture themselves with "why couldn't I just believe in God so I could be with this person?"

Yup, this almost describes an exact situation I was in with someone I’m still having trouble getting over :/ I’m not exactly sure why we were not compatible, but I think it had a lot to do with my mannerisms and how I interacted with other people (which is unfortunately a crucial factor I never thought about). I just look at them and see them as more normal (first thing that comes to my mind) even though I know that’s a bit silly to say because how exactly do you gauge normalcy?

I guess what I’m struggling to comprehend is that if everyone experiences this, why does it seem to feel so heightened/different?