It is year 5, friends, and I will be honest: I am not doing great! My wife and I have been hit once again this evening with the startling shift in decorum when we asked the organizers of an event we would have liked to attend about their Covid policies (spoiler: there aren’t any, there won’t be any, and fuck you for asking, thanks).
Navigating a shrinking world that used to be so full is jarring. I am genuinely not sure how I am supposed to continue existing in society as a person with an autoimmune condition, the highest risk category beside the elderly as it stands- at least, until they change that, too. If by some miracle Covid were eradicated in an instant, if the world “went back to normal” tomorrow, I don’t know how I could after seeing the last four years of this. Four years of my world getting smaller and smaller and smaller until it is only me left to wither and blow away, a tickle of an afterthought to tease the damaged brains of all my peers, drifting; huh, wonder whatever happened to her. Who needs enemies when all and sundry are happy to abandon you- no, endanger you- for the mild inconvenience of wearing a piece of cloth? I talk to my old friends and they speak as if I already died; you did this! I want to scream, this is your fault!
but instead I nod and say how I’m doing well, thanks, hope you’re hanging in there too (no I don’t, not really. I hope you get exactly what you deserve). Everyone has gone mad and by the time they feel the effects of it all it will be too late- and a small wonder if I live to see it through, thanks to them.
I try to stay optimistic. It’s a big world, I guess. Perpetual house arrest at the hands of an effectively zombified populace is not exactly fuel for hope, though. I am not happy, but I don’t have sadness in my heart anymore. I barely have love left in me. All I have is anger, and hate. So, so much hate. A brand of hate which will never go away- and I hate that. Hate. HATE.
Do you want me to buy you masks? Cuz if it's an expense thing, I'll do it to help a comrade.
A couple of thing: 1) viral load matters. Even if you got COVID, you'd be much worse if you were exposed to more of the virus. So your mask did help you. And 2) N95 masks protect much better and are incredibly breathable. Surgical masks suck for breathing.
cw:terrifying health stuff
The most important thing is that they make someone like OP, could die. Why would you not take a small action to prevent their death and fear of death?
I'm sorry that we're living in a neoliberal hell hole, but we can actively not spit on the suffering if we can help it.
Thank you for the offer of masks comrade. I really appreciate it. Money is indeed tight but not so tight i would feel right accepting your money.
I will think very hard on this. It goes against my stubborn angry tantrum that it should not be on me to save the world and the nihilistic thought that my choice makes no difference, so I'm gonna have to do some real soul searching ngl. I am looking at the future and all i can see is myself masking forever while nothing changes, and that thought just makes me wanna to sit on down and die.
But i know that in a world where no one takes responsibility someone must. I'm also fighting myself and the rising notion i cannot deny that i don't care at all for the world we are forced to live in, but there are people who hope still, and maybe i can set myself aside and do it for them instead.
I'll attack this nihilistic unhelpful viewpoint and see if i can beat it. If i think of it on the terms you put down perhaps i can.
you're not saving the fucking world, you're helping to protect a few people that you're six degrees of kevin bacon with.
put on the mask shinji
PUT ON THE MASK SHINJI