"Therefore my predecessor tried to build a wall but my administration— Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Again! We seem to be having another teleprompter mishap... Is that the fifth one? It throws off my rhythm... So - did I ever tellya 'bout when I was a boy in Scranton, PA? What can I share that all of you will like?..." He gets a far, far away look as if in prayer and he says "Localize story for maximum voter engagement."

"Oh, I remember a story! There was this spicy little Latin spitfire. She lived in the next town. Juanita... was her name..."