I told my roommate that I am trans, for context, we are currently looking for a new place together.
And I am not sure she reacted well, when I told her that I am already on HRT, she told me to be very careful, with transition, and also to not always believe what psychiatrists tell me(she thought, that I thought that I am trans because someone else told me so). Also that she has some good documentaries about trans people if I am interested (I am not interested, for the record. I can't imagine that kinda stuff being any good)
Also she didn't want me telling possible future roommates that I am trans "as it isn't visible yet anyway", and that she doen't tell everyone that she is bi as well. But it is going to visible soon? I also don't want to hide. And I very much don't want to risk getting a transphobic roommate. (which is why I told her, to decide if it's a good idea to move together with her)
So are these red flags, or am I imagining things, and that is just the usual cis attitude to things?
I mean, even usual cis attitudes towards trans people can be when cis people don't put in the work to unlearn cisnormative assumptions and support trans people. But yeah... I don't think you're imagining things here. I'm sorry, this sounds like a really tough situation.
Holy fucking hells I would have laid into her so hard. That is some grade A nonsense and she would deserve to be put in her place. Perhaps I have a poor sense of self preservation (which is noted through many of my actions in my life), but I definitely wouldn’t’ve held back. If you have a more level head, perhaps you can turn her away from standard UK brain.
Either way, it seems like you’re going to have a rough time with them going forward. You might need to push a little if you hope to not have a bad time. Cause that last paragraph makes me angry.
She simply does not get why it was wrong to even propose that I should stay in the closet. Now she is like "well, if you really want to, sure we can tell people". No apology, no understanding of what the problem even is.
I would ask her what documentaries she means, not because I think they're gonna be helpful for you, but they might give you some insight into what her opinions on trans people are and where she's gotten them.
I asked and she sent me one, which was a Documentary about detransitioniers(Detrans?). People who regret it basically, from the german state TV.
I feel sending that to a trans roommate is really
The detrans person, who is the sole example in the doc, is also a well known german terf.
Yes those are red flags. It's always possible that direct personal empathy will be enough to make this a non-issue over time but it's far from ideal for a housemates situation and could go the exact opposite direction as well (mask off transphobia).
Also sorry that really sucks. You think you know a person...
I really don't have much experience in these things, what are comments that I should look out for when intervieweing for places? Or should I just trust my gut, like here, and bail if people fail the vibes check?
It sounds like your gut is already doing well! If it's somewhat safe where you are I'd just straight-up ask about their opinion on trans people but really it's about what you're comfortable with and what suits your personality. If asking less direct questions is more your style there's nothing wrong with that.
I told my roommate that I am trans, for context, we are currently looking for a new place together.
And I am not sure she reacted well, when I told her that I am already on HRT, she told me to be very careful, with transition, and also to not always believe what psychiatrists tell me(she thought, that I thought that I am trans because someone else told me so). Also that she has some good documentaries about trans people if I am interested (I am not interested, for the record. I can't imagine that kinda stuff being any good)
Also she didn't want me telling possible future roommates that I am trans "as it isn't visible yet anyway", and that she doen't tell everyone that she is bi as well. But it is going to visible soon? I also don't want to hide. And I very much don't want to risk getting a transphobic roommate. (which is why I told her, to decide if it's a good idea to move together with her)
So are these red flags, or am I imagining things, and that is just the usual cis attitude to things?
🚩🚩🚩
I mean, even usual cis attitudes towards trans people can be
when cis people don't put in the work to unlearn cisnormative assumptions and support trans people. But yeah... I don't think you're imagining things here. I'm sorry, this sounds like a really tough situation.
Well, at least I told her before we moved to a new place together.
Good call. I wish you the best of luck in finding a supportive housing situation
Holy fucking hells I would have laid into her so hard. That is some grade A nonsense and she would deserve to be put in her place. Perhaps I have a poor sense of self preservation (which is noted through many of my actions in my life), but I definitely wouldn’t’ve held back. If you have a more level head, perhaps you can turn her away from standard UK brain.
Either way, it seems like you’re going to have a rough time with them going forward. You might need to push a little if you hope to not have a bad time. Cause that last paragraph makes me angry.
She simply does not get why it was wrong to even propose that I should stay in the closet. Now she is like "well, if you really want to, sure we can tell people". No apology, no understanding of what the problem even is.
Sounds very suspect.
I would ask her what documentaries she means, not because I think they're gonna be helpful for you, but they might give you some insight into what her opinions on trans people are and where she's gotten them.
I asked and she sent me one, which was a Documentary about detransitioniers(Detrans?). People who regret it basically, from the german state TV. I feel sending that to a trans roommate is really
The detrans person, who is the sole example in the doc, is also a well known german terf.
That's extremely weird imo. It sounds like she wants you to change your mind about being trans, especially in context with her initial response
Yeah, very sus call from her. Good thing that I don't have to rely on her.
This is so fucking weird from a roommate. Why does she care. Are you two dating or something? I assume no
she just thought that that was good information to share with me.
Strange
Yes those are red flags. It's always possible that direct personal empathy will be enough to make this a non-issue over time but it's far from ideal for a housemates situation and could go the exact opposite direction as well (mask off transphobia).
Also sorry that really sucks. You think you know a person...
I really don't have much experience in these things, what are comments that I should look out for when intervieweing for places? Or should I just trust my gut, like here, and bail if people fail the vibes check?
It sounds like your gut is already doing well! If it's somewhat safe where you are I'd just straight-up ask about their opinion on trans people but really it's about what you're comfortable with and what suits your personality. If asking less direct questions is more your style there's nothing wrong with that.
Wow what a loser, sheesh