CHICAGO—Eradicating any sense of respectability and gentlemanliness he thought he possessed during the long winter months, local man Brendan Watt was reminded Thursday by the return of more revealing spring attire that he is nothing more than a vulgar, hormonal ogre who has to actively keep his thoughts and gaze in check whenever he goes out in public, the disheartened 33-year-old confirmed to reporters. “God,” Watt reportedly said to himself while walking to work amid a variety of women wearing skirts and light strapless garments, as he arrived at the annual realization that he is, despite his best hopes, a chemically driven beast who must mentally tell himself he doesn’t need to take another glance at women who pass by in tank tops and yoga pants. “And there’s still five more months of this, for Christ’s sake.” At press time, Watt had just caught himself taking a second look at a girl who—Jesus—was a good 15 years younger than him, and was sadly accepting that this is just who he is.
EDIT: Redacted comment because it gives the impression that any sort of staring is acceptable or impossible to prevent. This is not true of course, someone can just not stare at others in a creepy way. I think men in general, and possibly even women who are looking in a sexual way, should simply not at all, and if you find yourself doing it on accident a lot you should probably avoid looking at others you’re attracted to in general, at least until you can change it and just be normal and not look at them any more than any other person.