how tf do i call out of work. i never do this shit and i'm always terrified of doing it. i hate my job and would much rather do the thing with my friends tomorrow but i'm a terrible liar and have a deep seated need to be seen as doing good, even by my fucking b*ss. does anyone have any tips for how to do it?
In a whisper say, "I have explosive diarrhea."
No one will question you the next day when you're back at work acting mostly normal.
And the obligatory jet-turd sound...with reverb. Lots of it.