Im mostly just typing this out for myself, but I'll gladly read any replies. No promises I'll respond but I'll at least see it cause im fucking constantly online.

Am I depressed? Yes. I work 70 hours a week, and my gas is still gonna get shut off since i don't get paid in time to meet the minimum. I cancelled a date tonight because the idea of having to have 1 on 1 time, even with guaranteed sex, fills me with anxiety and get my heart racing in a bad way. I don't even feel like touching my partner anymore. It feels too much like an expectation to me, something I just kinda do to make them happy. I used to have a high drive, but it seems to have just disappeared over the last few months like a switch was flipped. No change in my brain meds (Lexapro and lamotrigine), hopefully seeing my psych next week.

I have no desire to do anything these days, and everything seems like way more of a chore than it should. By "these days" I mean as far back as my ADHD ass brain can clearly remember. So less than a year but more than 6 months.

I don't know what else to say here so I'm gonna end the post. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk, don't forget to like and subscribe.

  • keepcarrot [she/her]
    ·
    3 months ago

    You really need a proper rest, which a date would chew up. :/ Like a week of no work, low drugs (I don't count drunk days as rest days personally... they do something but recovery ain't it) (keep taking your meds tho), and low commitments. But that may not be feasible. Your mind is pushing away things that may interrupt sleep and loafing around.

    • nat_turner_overdrive [he/him]
      ·
      3 months ago

      this comment hitting me in the "no vacations in my adult life and no paid off days other than federal holidays for the past decade" extremely hard

      • keepcarrot [she/her]
        ·
        3 months ago

        I know some people that spend all their time working, and if they take a break they spend all their time stressing about "maximising" their free time with travelling or events.

        I do feel like giving yourself a week and seeing what feels easy and natural to do without a schedule is a good experiment. If you're missing gas payments though...

        • nat_turner_overdrive [he/him]
          ·
          3 months ago

          I typed up a thing about this subject to reply to you, specifically about living without any vacation time for many years... and then just deleted it because it's too depressing

          edit: this is embarrassing, I should have said "death to america" what a silly mistake

        • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
          ·
          3 months ago

          In that my work will give me as much unpaid vacation as I ask for but I have to pay rent camp

      • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
        ·
        3 months ago

        Me. I can take a 3 day weekend every once in a while but any decent time off would be devastating. A one bedroom is $1750

    • corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves]
      ·
      3 months ago

      Thanks for the thoughts. Since I work my own hours at home, it already feels like I do nothing, if that makes sense? I'll consider planning a day off when I make the money I need to to catch up on bills :)

      • keepcarrot [she/her]
        ·
        3 months ago

        I've found it takes more than a weekend to turn off "work mode" :( Been sick and unable to work the last week and I'm wondering how much I want to get sick randomly to take longer breaks :/

        Evenings after work and Saturday, I'm in a low functioning daze.