Im mostly just typing this out for myself, but I'll gladly read any replies. No promises I'll respond but I'll at least see it cause im fucking constantly online.

Am I depressed? Yes. I work 70 hours a week, and my gas is still gonna get shut off since i don't get paid in time to meet the minimum. I cancelled a date tonight because the idea of having to have 1 on 1 time, even with guaranteed sex, fills me with anxiety and get my heart racing in a bad way. I don't even feel like touching my partner anymore. It feels too much like an expectation to me, something I just kinda do to make them happy. I used to have a high drive, but it seems to have just disappeared over the last few months like a switch was flipped. No change in my brain meds (Lexapro and lamotrigine), hopefully seeing my psych next week.

I have no desire to do anything these days, and everything seems like way more of a chore than it should. By "these days" I mean as far back as my ADHD ass brain can clearly remember. So less than a year but more than 6 months.

I don't know what else to say here so I'm gonna end the post. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk, don't forget to like and subscribe.

  • nat_turner_overdrive [he/him]
    ·
    4 months ago

    this comment hitting me in the "no vacations in my adult life and no paid off days other than federal holidays for the past decade" extremely hard

    • keepcarrot [she/her]
      ·
      4 months ago

      I know some people that spend all their time working, and if they take a break they spend all their time stressing about "maximising" their free time with travelling or events.

      I do feel like giving yourself a week and seeing what feels easy and natural to do without a schedule is a good experiment. If you're missing gas payments though...

      • nat_turner_overdrive [he/him]
        ·
        edit-2
        4 months ago

        I typed up a thing about this subject to reply to you, specifically about living without any vacation time for many years... and then just deleted it because it's too depressing

        edit: this is embarrassing, I should have said "death to america" what a silly mistake

      • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
        ·
        4 months ago

        In that my work will give me as much unpaid vacation as I ask for but I have to pay rent camp

    • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
      ·
      4 months ago

      Me. I can take a 3 day weekend every once in a while but any decent time off would be devastating. A one bedroom is $1750