I hate how cheap alcohol is. It's always have 50 cents for a shot around here, so I always have the money for it. Whatever quarters are in my purse is my alcohol fund. It feels like just being drunk and hiding it from everybody is the best path. I stopped taking my anti-psychotic days ago. I'm fucking up a lot of progress I made right now. Alcohol doesn't make me angry or anything like that, it just makes me recenter my entire life around it. It makes me only care about getting more drunk. I hate everything rn. Sorry for the rant guys, I just really needed to get it off my chest.
Anti-psychotics are all major life changes. They dampen your dopamine receptors quite heavily. There is no anti-psychotic without the effects I hate because I hate the main effect. I have only tried 3 or 4, but Risperidone is the one that works the best for me by quite a long shot. I even look forward to it sometimes.
There is a side of me that knows taking Risperidone is my saving grace. Another side of me wants to just completely throw it out the window and use fent until die. I have to fight that side a lot. Risperidone makes that battle a lot easier.
Ah yeah that makes sense. Sorry you're having a hard time comrade. I hope you feel better soon.