I hate how cheap alcohol is. It's always have 50 cents for a shot around here, so I always have the money for it. Whatever quarters are in my purse is my alcohol fund. It feels like just being drunk and hiding it from everybody is the best path. I stopped taking my anti-psychotic days ago. I'm fucking up a lot of progress I made right now. Alcohol doesn't make me angry or anything like that, it just makes me recenter my entire life around it. It makes me only care about getting more drunk. I hate everything rn. Sorry for the rant guys, I just really needed to get it off my chest.
Alcohol doesn't make me angry or anything like that, it just makes me recenter my entire life around it. It makes me only care about getting more drunk.
Literally me when I fall off the wagon and start drinking again. If I don't stop myself I could go on a binge for months.
Oh yeah I function great as a drunk. Arguably better than when I'm sober. I face very little consequences IRL for my alcoholism. I just know that I'm an alcoholic and refuse to ignore it. All the consequences are in my head. I might be an alcoholic, but I'm not going to be an alcoholic without fighting it. I've really appreciated your support.
Speaking of support, I've switched over to the nicotine pouches. They're a lot cheaper than cigs, and you can do them in more places. I personally have a much easier time going into somewhere like walmart with a pouch in my mouth, it's opened up a whole world that wasn't available to smoking me. It's made me feel like smoking me was missing out. Might be worth giving a shot.
Funny how they still fight to keep cannabis illegal in places, but there's never any question of how accessible alcohol is.
It sucks and I'm sorry. But even being aware of the pattern while you're in it means that you've made some progress.
I wish you the best, comrade.
History has portrayed alcohol with a good time. You don’t even want to know what weed was portrayed as. Why it became a class 1 drug.
I'm still taking my zoloft, but there's this part of me that just wants to run away from everything. Risperidone stabilizes me, but anti-psychotics are so fucking heavy. They dissociate me so much, and I hate it. I'm tired of the dissociation. I also missed my visual noise. A lot. I don't think I ever wanted to be asymptomatic because it makes me feel like a fake. Risperidone also dampens all your dopamine receptors, so drugs (including alcohol) feel way weaker. It's somewhere between a form of self harm and wanting to just be me.
Word that all makes sense. Have you touched base with your psych in a bit to discuss? Kinda feels like they might want to hear from you rn, if you're up for it?
Yeah I actually got put on zoloft recently, which has been quite good. I'm not seeing my psych for another few weeks, but I think I'm going to mention this to her next time hopefully. However, like I said, Risperidone stablizes me. I don't really know if I can go without it. As much as I hate it, it works. I don't think I can stay off the meds this time because it's provided so much. Even cuts down my T production, it really helps with growing gender dysphoria. But I really don't want to be on it. You can feel it dampening your emotions, turning you into an automaton
Bummer, idk how it works with antipsychotics but I had to try like 5 antidepressants before I found one that worked, I wouldn't wait for weeks though if you don't feel good it's probably better to just call them up if you're on the fence. I get it if not though it's kind of a faff and expensive
Anti-psychotics are all major life changes. They dampen your dopamine receptors quite heavily. There is no anti-psychotic without the effects I hate because I hate the main effect. I have only tried 3 or 4, but Risperidone is the one that works the best for me by quite a long shot. I even look forward to it sometimes.
There is a side of me that knows taking Risperidone is my saving grace. Another side of me wants to just completely throw it out the window and use fent until die. I have to fight that side a lot. Risperidone makes that battle a lot easier.
Ah yeah that makes sense. Sorry you're having a hard time comrade. I hope you feel better soon.
I know the feeling. When I drink, the only thing stopping me is going to sleep or passing out. If you ever need an ear, holler
