Got back from family vacation, got on the dreaded Facebook, found out the woman who was my first gf 12 years ago, and subsequently a friend I talked to pretty frequently, had died of liver failure at 33 years old.
Looking back on it, when she was drinking 12 years ago it just seemed like a fun time. I didn't know she sustained that pace for a decade plus. Some other things took a toll too, like an eating disorder.
Anyways, I am fuckin sad, fuck alcohol, it's as bad as heroin but capitalism gotta make that $$$$$
It has probably saved my life many times over that I have a strong chance of going directly to hangover when I drink, the fun effects completely skipped over, often enough and badly enough to develop Pavlovian aversion. If my body allowed me the loop of feeling good or normal as long as I'm topped up, I think I would always be in danger.