Not for a lack of trying, I assure you. It's just that no matter how hard I try, my mind won't accept it.
The thought of life and existence being ultimately meaningless (Something else my mind fights against, despite knowing it's true) is too much of a blow to my psyche to overcome and look at light-heartedly.
I'm just so desperate to have a purpose and meaning in my life, but at the same time I can't sincerely believe in any religion or afterlife. I try to "live in the moment" and "be happy and make others happy", but it just isn't enough. I need something more.
Edit: Thank you everyone for their responses so far, I do read them all. They give me something to ponder and think about, maybe even leading to a solution.
concerning meaning, I ascribe to the "the things you want to do and find meaningful are meaningful" side of things
if meaning was a fundamental part of existence it would be a detectable natural constant
the concept of meaning only came in relatively recently, much more recently than life on Earth
humans invented meaning, so it's our responsibility to ascribe it
meaning is real and you have absolute personal authority over what is meaningful (you are more powerful than creation itself in this respect)
absurdism
it's pretty funny how the universe will never know how much it means to me, it just hums along like a big dummy