Nothing about society made sense, people were always doing things contrary to what they professed to believe or hold dear. Fast forward thirty years, I start learning about the contradictions of capitalism, and slowly things started to click. I could finally start processing why nothing made sense to me as a child. The system can't make sense! That was so freeing, to realize that, and that there are alternatives.

Literally same!!! And the capitalist realism caused me so much despair too.