I can't deal with this. My partner of 5 years left , I have no job I have no family that gives a shit I have nothing I am done. I'm never goin to find love again because I'm a miserable unnatractive piece of shit and I can't even look I don't know how to date even if I did I'd just be burdening someone else with me it'd be so much better if I could just die but I'm such a fucking coward I can't do it I might pick up hard drugs to die slower I cant do this

  • Octagonprime [any]
    ·
    9 days ago

    I don't want to take money from people when it could be going to gazans or people who are immediately homeless or anyone who needs it more than I do. You talk about what I wish for and i think I really just do want to suffer and thats why it happens. I must want to be this way or I wouldn't sabatoge myself and put myself in this position. My brain is so completely broken and useless.

    • Cowbee [he/him, they/them]
      ·
      9 days ago

      You deserve the help you need. If you make a post on c/mutual_aid and someone gives it to you, then that was their decision, not yours.

      One thing that I think happens frequently whenever hard times come is that it's very easy to slip into inward justifications for our struggles. It's pretty simple, if you don't enjoy suffering, then you don't secretly want to suffer. It sounds like you are working backwards and justifying the ends with imaginary means, when by your language it's clear that you don't wish to suffer.

      Self-sabotage is another issue I have seen in myself from time to time. More often than not, it's a justification to make sense of tragic circumstances mostly outside your control. If I were you, I would start by focusing on what you can change, even if we think of your brain as actively hostile towards you.