I can't deal with this. My partner of 5 years left , I have no job I have no family that gives a shit I have nothing I am done. I'm never goin to find love again because I'm a miserable unnatractive piece of shit and I can't even look I don't know how to date even if I did I'd just be burdening someone else with me it'd be so much better if I could just die but I'm such a fucking coward I can't do it I might pick up hard drugs to die slower I cant do this
If you need to talk to someone in private, feel free to DM me. I'll listen to everything you need to say.
I am so, incredibly sorry to hear the pain you are going through. Nobody should have to feel that way. You can and will find love again if that is what you wish, but you also can and will find happiness as a single person if that is what you wish. You can dig yourself out of any hole you're in, and lean on others for support. If you need monetary help, c/mutual_aid is very helpful as well.
I don't want to take money from people when it could be going to gazans or people who are immediately homeless or anyone who needs it more than I do. You talk about what I wish for and i think I really just do want to suffer and thats why it happens. I must want to be this way or I wouldn't sabatoge myself and put myself in this position. My brain is so completely broken and useless.
You deserve the help you need. If you make a post on c/mutual_aid and someone gives it to you, then that was their decision, not yours.
One thing that I think happens frequently whenever hard times come is that it's very easy to slip into inward justifications for our struggles. It's pretty simple, if you don't enjoy suffering, then you don't secretly want to suffer. It sounds like you are working backwards and justifying the ends with imaginary means, when by your language it's clear that you don't wish to suffer.
Self-sabotage is another issue I have seen in myself from time to time. More often than not, it's a justification to make sense of tragic circumstances mostly outside your control. If I were you, I would start by focusing on what you can change, even if we think of your brain as actively hostile towards you.
We are here for you, comrade. Please reach out to someone and talk.
I'm never goin to find love again because I'm a miserable unnatractive piece of shit
Wrong.
You are worthy of consideration because you give many people a warm fuzzy feeling, and the fact that someone has already dated you is proof of this. It wasn't a fluke, I promise.
It's proof I fooled someone into thinking I could be good and then after enough time they realized I'm just a burden that brings other around me down and it will always be that way.
Don't be your own enemy. You deserve to conceive of yourself as something better than a deceiver, and you're certainly not worthless. At minimum you should give yourself the same dignity you'd give any random stranger you see in public.
I used to believe exactly what you just said about myself. The more I believed it, the more it actualized, and the harder it made my relations with others. The less I believed it, the less it actualized, and the easier it made my relations with others. It was difficult shifting my perspective of myself, and I don't have advice on how to do it, but I would say to try to keep that in mind. Life's hard enough even without me putting my own self-worth down.
I remember thinking the same thing before when my partner left, and then I lost my job like a month later. It sucked. But if you found love before, you can do it again. You can do this! Just take some time for yourself for a bit.
What is time for myself, there's nothing I enjoy now. I've heard focus on yourself so much, clearly I am I'm focused on hatig myself and hurting myself and wasting away. That's unhealthy and toxic and I'm just embracing it now I'm goin to be a piece of shit that brings everyone down at least if I do it openly and loudly nobody will ever give me time and get disappointed that they can't help me it'll just be obvious
I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Your worth does not depend on a significant other, your life and your person is priceless by itself. There is a tomorrow and as long as there is a you, you make tomorrow better.
That's not true at all, your life has intrinsic value. The intrinsic value of each human life is what's motivating all of us to do anything. The same respect for the sanctity of others' life that you have and guides your morality, is the respect you ought to have for your own. As long as you live you are part of a brighter future, just as much as every star in the night sky.
I do believe that about everyone else but I cant apply it to myself.i think things about myself I would never think about others. The social darwinism and death drive of this society is still in my head telling me I'm worthless I'm a useless eater and ill never be a valuable man or woman or whatever I am I'll never have a place, even in circles like this I dont fit in I've never had a place I belong
I understand the difficulty of applying it to yourself, it's natural to hold ourselves to a different standard. But you should know that the little fascist inside your head telling you that you're not worth anything is, itself, the only part of yourself that actually is worthless. I don't know if it's productive for you to attempt to logic your way out of an emotional situation, but please keep this in mind. Your own life is as precious as all others comrade.
Please take all the time you need and do whatever it is you truly need for you, irrespective of the wishes and whims of the sick "society" that failed you, such that you stay.
The society lives in my head. I've been a socialist coming on a decade now and I still have the pressure from things I don't believe at all living in my head , telling me I'm an atomized individual that doesn't have value to be exchanged , that the state wants me dead because I come from nothing and I don't provide enough value to capital. I wish I was strong enough to fight back
