would you be wrong for "finding it rude" simply because your friend didn't?

is it acceptable for them to justify themselves just going "lol boring" if they meant it for the topic and not you? like, should you magically no longer feel hurt anymore?

are you in the wrong for saying how just saying "lol boring" hurts you and requesting for them to say it more differently? that you're just being defensive?

all while they claim how you're "blaming them for everything", want them to change themselves to please you, to force themselves to "enjoy what you're talking about", to not be able to dislike topics when 1. you didn't say any of this, 2. you just wanted them to be more nice/compassionate and considerate of your feelings.

like, i'm sure we can all agree that there are better ways to say that what the person is talking about doesn't really interest you all that much but they can keep going if they want. or hell, just not mentioning at all and just listening to them.

i feel like literally any of this would be better instead of just going "lol boring" and get all defensive about it and accuse you of being defensive all you did was expressing hurt and wanting them to say it differently.

  • jaywalker [they/them, any]
    ·
    16 days ago

    I must just be really used to this behavior because it doesn't bother me at all, but it's been happening my entire life (I'm over 40). Usually I just agree that it's boring and move on. Sometimes I just keep going anyway because it's not boring to me and in exchange I listen to their boring stuff.

    I'm autistic, so my experience/interpretation is likely very different from the average person. I generally prefer a person to tell me if they're bored because I'm not going to pick it up any other way (when I try I usually just misinterpret something)

    However, the person you're describing here seems like someone I would avoid. Anyone who gets defensive when you tell them they are hurting your feelings probably does feel attacked or blamed. Likely because they're used to being attacked and blamed by their family or whatnot. Self-esteem can also play a big role in this kind of defensiveness.

    Basically, they gotta deal with their own shit before they'll ever stop this kind of behavior. You don't have to put up with it, but you probably won't get them to change either. The best thing you can do is communicate as clearly as you can why they're hurting you and then just stop interacting with them. They'll either learn or they won't. If that's difficult for you, then don't even bother explaining yourself because you don't owe them anything. I think explaining it can help people in the long-term, especially if you're not the only one saying it.