And no, I don't mean, the supposed "Playful Bullying" (that will upset me too, same with being teased), or being even lightly prodded.

The other day, I was questioned on whether I "actually am a leftist", by a friend. After I nervously answered fairly basic questions such as believing in healthcare and collective labor, they weren't convinced. Ever since that day, I felt like I couldn't be a leftist, especially since I lost any confidence in my ability to be "better" according to that person's standards. If I couldn't satisfy their standards that one time, what would be the point of trying to read theory and trying again? Yes I admit, I haven't tried to read theory. I have no confidence that I would do it correctly.

So, I was already completely lacking in confidence in actually being a good enough leftist. But after that incident where I was bullied and picked on, even for a few minutes... Something in me gave up trying to keep up with the people on this website. It also made me fear and lose confidence in trying, for fear that I would encounter other "Secret Tests of Character" like that.

I feel as though in terms of personality, I am too quiet, too shy, and I have too little to say or contribute anyways, to feel at home here. It feels as though speaking the loudest and having lots to say is what matters the most here, and that is something I cannot do.

So, given that everyone insists "read theory", which I haven't been able to, does this mean I am not at the standards I seem to see here?

  • Coca_Cola_but_Commie [he/him]
    ·
    5 hours ago

    I recently picked up the 1986 book Prisoners of the American Dream by Mike Davis because someone posted the first page on twitter. Haven't read that much of it but based on what I have read it seems like a very approachable book for leftists looking to get into the reading.

    Also on Hexbear's literature comm there's a post (https://hexbear.net/post/109424) directing one on how to access the 'Socialist Theory Reading Group' on the education site Perusall. The weekly reading group portion of that has fallen into disuse but the library has a bunch of archived PDFs that are all readily accessible and can be easily downloaded. For instance there's three titles I can see from Parenti, two from Chomsky, and The Jarkarta Method by Vincent Bevins.

    The Perusall might not be the most user-friendly thing out there for a newbie looking for a beginner's reading list, but I just wanted to mention it.