I'm honestly a little bit hesitant to ask this because don't wanna seem like I'm stepping on toes.

So I've been doing some thinking stuff over the last few weeks/months and am starting to question shit.

I've always been cis male presenting and for the most part it's all I've really known, but I'm not in the least bit masculine. Back in the early 00s, the term metro-sexual was a thing and I sort of identified with that but like, meh? Idk. Now that just feels chauvinistic for some reason.

Recently I've been thinking about my own gender identity and although I present as a male, I honestly don't really care. I also have that autism(or is it just ND?) thing where I feel like a being or entity in a human suit basically. Like my inner self is controlling the body that people see me as, which is, of course male presenting.

I've been looking a bit into agender and demigender and hit some of the checkboxes but not really all, but I also don't really know another term for essentially "male body but don't care". A reddit search brought up "gender apathy" and that's a kind of maybe I guess.

The only other conclusion is that I am just cis, but fully aware of it maybe? Like I have a way wider understanding of gender and even sexuality than I did a decade ago so maybe I'm just cis and just not toxic about it? I'm just "woke" maybe?

I guess call this a journal-post but def open for discussion. I'm just going through some heavy mental exploration. I'm not sure if there is even a question here. Just me being confused.

I guess a question could be: how do you know? How do you know where you land on the gender spectrum? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?

  • roux [he/him, they/them]
    ·
    12 days ago

    I don't think you are actually wanting me to answer the questions but I almost never feel masculine, but sometimes feel feminine. And outside of facial hair and being born with a penis, I don't really feel gendered aside from societal norms. And for the fourth one, I think I'm mostly indifferent to the questions.

    If you can’t be bothered to experiment, maybe there’s your answer.

    So, I guess maybe my gender really just doesn't matter in the end? Good comment btw.

    • TheDoctor [they/them]
      ·
      12 days ago

      Thank you! And answering explicitly is fine even if that wasn’t my intent. Personally, I really enjoyed experimenting and trying on my first skirt and makeup, even if I don’t wear that stuff day to day now. It was simultaneously really easy and really hard. But I understand it’s not for everybody.

      • roux [he/him, they/them]
        ·
        12 days ago

        Answering legit helped me lol. I think I'm leaning towards demi with a bit of agender fluidity if that makes sense.

        I haven't even really considered clothing but like I said elsewhere my current day to day dress is very androgynous as it is. Like nothing I wear really scream masculinity, I think.